Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

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Grammar Cop: Apostrophe Crime Wave

There was a time when a citizen could walk the streets of New York or cruise a Los Angeles freeway without incident. The times have changed. From coast to coast, in bustling urban centers and subdued farm towns, the evidence has been captured by Grammatical Enforcement officers of all types. The statistics – overwhelming. The visual proof – incontrovertible. The verdict – in:
Schools no longer teach what the apostrophe is for. They’re not even hinting.

out-of-bed.jpg
Count 1: Negligent contraction.
Count 2: Rendering crime permanent through silk-screening.
Apprehended by: Officer Franchi, Los Angeles Grammar Task Force.

drivers-are-allowed.jpg
Count 1: Construction of a false plural noun.
Count 2: Operating a motor vehicle with a false plural noun.
Count 3: Indecent exposure of a false plural noun on public roadways and thoroughfares.
Apprehended by: Officer Law, Los Angeles Gang & Proofreading Unit.

dvds-palace.jpg
Count 1: Construction of a false plural noun.
Count 2: Construction of a false plural noun.
Count 3: Utilizing a false plural noun in the name of a business or commercial enterprise.
Count 4: Utilizing false plural noun(s) on signage.
Apprehended by: Officer Blevins, Manhattan Grammatical Affairs Bureau.

ludlows-teas.jpg
Count 1: Construction of a false plural noun.
Count 2: Failure to utilize an apostrophe in the construction of a possessive.
Count 3: Rendering infraction(s) in tin, thus making infraction(s) permanent and exposing them to people wanting a biscuit.
Apprehended by: Officer Franchi, Los Angeles Grammar Task Force.

showers.jpg
Count 1: Negligent use of an apostrophe in the commission of a plural noun.
Apprehended by: Officer Carson, Grammatical Park Rangers.

hole_rock_utah.jpg
Count 1: Usage of a quote in the construction of a contraction.
Count 2: Improper placement of faulty quote.
Count 3: Painting said infraction on the side of a giant rock.
Apprehended by: Reverend Aster, Utah Latter Day Grammatical Saints.


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