Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

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Glenn Beck Appearance 10/11/07


The TimeWarner security guy actually knew my name this time. It’s almost like I’m a somebody! Regardless, I still have to put my stuff through the X-Ray scanner as if I’m going to try and smuggle a firearm into the newsroom.
I keep seeing Lou Dobbs and Jack Cafferty wandering about. They seem like guys I’d actually love to go out drinking with though I’ve never spoken a word to them. I have fantasies about the three of us sitting in a pub, red-eyed and slurring, agreeing and disagreeing on various topics as we swill beer. That’d be a great night.
I seem to have fallen into a pattern of wearing the same shirts and ties all the time. At one point I accidentally wore the same outfit two segments in a row. Sadly, I’m a bit player so there’s no wardrobe budget for me. It’d be nice to have Armani people begging you to wear their stuff or some lady traipsing around Manhattan, buying clothes for you with Ted Turner’s credit card. The best thing that ever happened to my wardrobe was a salesman named Ben who was my own personal Queer Eye episode. I walked out with the four shirts and four ties that have become my default outfits for the show. Meanwhile, one night at Gramercy Tavern at dinner with John Mayer, a woman leaned over and handed him her Tommy Hilfiger business card. “Anything you want from our collection,” she said, “Just call.” Solely because he’s famous. It seemed unfair, though understandable. But if it had been a Hugo Boss, Ted Baker or Paul Smith rep I’d have cried right then and there.
Segment-wise, we seem to have discovered the secret to not running out of time: Don’t put a lot of stuff in it. No matter what, Glenn’s going to go off on some tangent which will send us down a different path. When he’s done I then have to scramble back up the path to get back on topic. But this time we fit it all in and I was even able to give a “Semper Fi” shout-out to my father and his Marine Corps pals who were watching at Parris Island.
It’s true about the Ron Paul campaign: I’ve tried on three occasions to get them to send me some campaign materials. Placard. Hat. Shirt. Anything I could use in the segment to advertise their candidate. I’ve even identified myself to them as an ally. Nothing. No response. They complain a lot about being left out of mainstream media coverage – and to a large extent I agree with them. But they’re not helping their cause any. I know they don’t like Glenn but methinks they’re acting a bit like babies. At least the Advocates for Self Government were nice enough to send me some books and a huge stack of their World’s Smallest Political Quiz leaflets.


Previously

Children: as byproduct of coitus with twits, 49, 121, 208 driving with while unrestrained, 54, 100 losing custody of to a dunce, 210 making of, 48, 191 nearly throwing across parking lot, 87 Comeback: planning of, 210-211 unfortunate debacle of, 218 Crotch: as sales device, …

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