Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

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Glenn Beck Appearance 10/05/06


The green room is the room you sit in while you’re waiting to do your TV thing. It’s not green, and I haven’t bothered to look up the history of the term, so I have no idea why they call it that.
Today I shared the green room with Andy Dick and his entourage. His entourage is two ladies and his voting-age son. They were there to do Showbiz Today.
My brother can recognize celebrities even if they’re hiding under a comforter. I don’t have that skill and I did not know it was Andy Dick until I saw his discarded security badge lying in the bathroom. Andy Dick reminds me of Fred Schneider of the B-52s, but more flamboyant.
In case you’d ever wondered “Does Andy Dick leave the door open to the bathroom when he pees?” the answer is yes. Andy doesn’t care to close the door when he fancies a pee, even when his entourage and other green room guests are right there.
You may have believed that Andy Dick would wash his hands after taking a public pee. I can tell you from my first-person perspective that this is not the case. Andy has a busy schedule which apparently made him very late for his Showbiz Today appearance and does not allow him time to wash his hands or discard his security badge.
I do not know Andy, and I imagine I never will because I have a low tolerance for overly energetic people who pee in mixed company.
Now to my segment.
My segment did not go as planned. If my segment were a valley I would name it Surprise Valley. I expected a clip that never materialized, I expected something to be a still image which was instead a clip, and I did not expect a weird sound effect to go off in my earpiece. It was not very smooth, and afterwards I cried on the inside.


Previously

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