Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

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Unclaimed Finances of The Rich & Famous

Every year, millions of dollars in assets remain unclaimed because the rightful owner could not be located – usually because they moved to a new address or died while doing drugs at the Viper Room. Unable to distribute these funds, but required by law to hold on to them, companies simply keep cash and stock sitting in accounts in the event their owner ever comes calling. While searching an asset-tracing database for some long-lost cash of my own, I wondered who else might have a little missing money somewhere. The answer? Apparently everyone. The winner? Screen legend and anti-Semite Marlon Brando who has an unclaimed check for $48,007.94 with his name on it. Someone tell Christian.
Here are some others. Addresses removed because that wouldn’t be nice.

Celebrities:

ANISTON, JENNIFER
LOS ANGELES, CA 90036
$107.75 TIFFANY MERCHANDISE CREDITS

CLOONEY, GEORGE
BEVERLY HILLS CA 90212
$180.00 WARNER BROS. FILM AND ENTERTAINMENT

REEVES, KEANU
LOS ANGELES CA 90048
$85.60 PACIFIC BELL

EASTWOOD, CLINT
$186.38 FIREMAN’S FUND INSURANCE COMPANY
$724.51 FIREMAN’S FUND INSURANCE COMPANY
$137.01 FIREMAN’S FUND INSURANCE COMPANY

SIXX, NIKKI
LOS ANGELES CA 90069
$912.30
FIREMAN’S FUND INSURANCE COMPANY
$220.96 CEDARS SINAI MEDICAL CENTER

Celebrities who hath shat upon the institution of marriage:

PITT, BRAD
RESEDA CA 91335
$85.87 WARNER BROS

BARRYMORE, DREW
HOLLYWOOD 90028
$84.66 MCA RECORDS INC

SPEARS, BRITNEY
ORLANDO FL 32809
$828.29 CAST & CREW TALENT SERVICES INC

JOLIE, ANGELINA
BEVERLY HILLS CA 90212
$602.83 PROGRESSIVE TITLE COMPANY, WESTLAND ESCROW DIVISION

GABOR, ZSA ZSA
LOS ANGELES CA 90077
$129.35 WARNER BROS. FILM AND ENTERTAINMENT

SHEEN, CHARLIE
LOS ANGELES CA 90024
$560.12 FIREMAN’S FUND INSURANCE COMPANY

Those who probably do not need more assets:

TRUMP, IVANA
PALM BEACH FL 33480
$141.23 WEST PALM BEACH CITY OF

SPELLING, AARON
LOS ANGELES CA 90069
$246.80 CHUBB GROUP OF INSURANCE COMPANY

SEINFELD, JERRY
W HOLLYWOOD CA 90069
$70.93 FIREMAN’S FUND INSURANCE COMPANY

Celebrities who are talented and alarming :

GLOVER, CRISPIN
LOS ANGELES CA 90026
$100.00 AUTOMOBILE CLUB OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
$58.13 FARMERS INSURANCE EXCHANGE

SANDLER, ADAM
c/o BRILLSTEIN-GREY ENTERTAINMENT
BEVERLY HILLS CA 90212
$241.07 EP TALENT SERVICES, L.P.
$1,127.19 EP TALENT SERVICES, L.P.
$120.26 EP TALENT SERVICES, L.P.

Celebrities who are alarming:

DANZA, TONY
LOS ANGELES CA 90025
$178.44 CALIFORNIA FAIR PLAN ASSOCIATION
$161.00 ALLSTATE INSURANCE COMPANY DANZA TONY

Celebrities who were the Sean Penns of their day:

FONDA, JANE
LOS ANGELES CA 90064
$1,351.87 MERRILL LYNCH INST’L TAX-EXEMPT FUND FONDA JANE
$231.55 FIREMAN’S FUND INSURANCE COMPA
$89.46 WARNER BROS
$28.96 SONY PICTURES ENTERTAINMENT INC

Celebrities who are the Sean Penns of their day:

PENN, SEAN
MALIBU CA 90265
$31.26 UNIVERSAL CITY STUDIOS INC

Kindly notify their next-of-kin:

PHOENIX, RIVER
GAINSVILLE FL 32608
$377.42 WARNER BROS A DIVISION OF
$440.52 WARNER BROS A DIVISION OF

PLATO, DANA
CANOGA PARK CA 91306
$464.46 SONY PICTURES ENTERTAINMENT INC.
$443.83 SONY PICTURES ENTERTAINMENT INC.
$396.56 SONY PICTURES ENTERTAINMENT INC.
$320.41 SONY PICTURES ENTERTAINMENT INC.
$490.27 SONY PICTURES ENTERTAINMENT INC.
$108.17 EP TALENT SERVICES, L.P.
$62.80 WARNER BROS
$56.24 SONY PICTURES ENTERTAINMENT INC.
$31.22 UNIVERSAL CITY STUDIOS INC

GABOR, EVA
LOS ANGELES CA 90025
$ 4382.15 FIREMAN’S FUND INSURANCE COMPA
$1,696.00 INTERINSURANCE EXCHANGE OF THE AUTOMOBILE CLUB
$15.00 PETRIE STORES CORP
$6.15 MCFARLAND ENERGY INC %SSB

HUDSON, ROCK
LOS ANGELES CA 90069
$261.90 SANWA BANK CALIFORNIA HUDSON ROCK
$42.46 SUN REFINING AND MARKETING COMPANY

GREENE, LORNE
LOS ANGELES CA 90069,
$170.15 UNIVERSAL CITY STUDIOS INC
$123.00 UNIVERSAL CITY STUDIOS INC

BRANDO, MARLON
BEVERLY HILLS CA 90212
$48,007.94 UMG RECORDINGS, INC.
$1,263.28 MCA RECORDS, INC.
$75.96 VIACOM INC
$UNKNOWN VIACOM INC
$75.96 VIACOM INC
$UNKNOWN VIACOM INC
$56.55 RECORDS ACCOUNTING
$75.96 VIACOM INC
$UNKNOWN VIACOM INC
$25.74 MCA RECORDS INC
$29.66 MCA RECORDS INC

Celebrities who make bad movie choices:

TRAVOLTA, JOHN
LOS ANGELES CA 90025
$48.00 ALLSTATE INSURANCE COMPANY

CAGE, NICHOLAS C
$96.91 FIREMAN’S FUND INSURANCE COMPANY

Celebrities who probably should take advantage of this opportunity:

HAIM, COREY
c/o J ARTHUR THOMAS,CPA
LOS ANGELES CA 90068
$96.15 SONY PICTURES ENTERTAINMENT INC.

FELDMAN, COREY
N HOLLYWOOD CA 91607
$402.20 FIREMAN’S FUND INSURANCE COMPA

HAUER, RUTGER
LOS ANGELES CA 90077
$89.64 SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA GAS CO
$57.35 SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA GAS COMPANY

SHORE, PAULY M
W HOLLYWOOD CA 90068
$133.78 SONY PICTURES ENTERTAINMENT INC.

GIBSON, DEBBIE
BEVERLY HILLS CA 90211
$138.88 WARNER BROS. FILM AND ENTERTAINMENT

Celebrities we greatly admire for their talent and sense of humor but admonish for their lack of attention to their finances:

SHEARER, HARRY
WEST HOLLYWOOD CA 90069
$4,442.72 WARNER BROS. FILM AND ENTERTAINMENT
$2,564.69 MACANDREWS & FORBES/ANDREWS GROUP COMMON
$3,625.00 MACANDREWS & FORBES/ANDREWS GROUP COMMON
$8,725.99 GIBRALTAR SAVINGS & LOAN SHEARER HARRY
$609.34 WALT DISNEY PICTURES & TELEVISION
$98.60 PAID PRESCRIPTIONS L.L.C.
$58.72 WARNER BROS. FILM AND ENTERTAINMENT
$47.32 UNIVERSAL CITY STUDIOS, INC
$31.00 METROPOLITAN LIFE INSURANCE CO
$25.00 STATE FARM FIRE & CASUALTY
$306.00 SAINT JOHN’S HEALTH CENTER
$124.78 WARNER BROS
$100.00 MOBIL CORP
$53.80 SAINT JOHN’S HEALTH CENTER

ALLEN, WOODY
NEW YORK NY 10019
$7,497.75 DRANEY INFORMATION SERVICES CORP

Celebrities we have had a strange crush on our whole lives:

PLIMPTON, MARTHA
C/O DRESSLER & ASSOC
LOS ANGELES CA 90025
$300.76 EP TALENT SERVICES, L.P.

Celebrities we wholly detest:

RIVERS, JOAN
LA CA 90077
$168.90 TIFFANY MERCHANDISE CREDITS

RIVERS, MELISSA
LOS ANGELES 90069
$250.85 SPELLING ENTERTAINMENT GROUP INC

COMBS, SEAN
MT VERNON NY 10552
$UNKNOWN WAGES/PAYROLL/SALARIES/COMM/PENSION PMTS
$UNKNOWN DISTRIBUTIONS FROM OWNERS INT (NON-ADR)
$UNKNOWN WAGES/PAYROLL/SALARIES/COMM/PENSION PMTS
$UNKNOWN DISTRIBUTIONS FROM OWNER OF INT (NONADR)


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