Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

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Getting Around Chinese Censorship

china%20censor.jpg

So, China’s gone and censored your internet again. No worries. Just make sure your friends, family and bureau chiefs in the West all have a copy of this code list and you’ll be able to communicate freely – just like you’ve kind of gotten used to. You can send your postcards and emails knowing that the People’s Republic security apparatus will be none the wiser.

The asparagus here is amazing.
I think my room is bugged.

The asparagus here is definitely amazing.
I know my room is bugged.

Everyone is very polite.
I’m not sure which ones are the spies and which ones are just being friendly.

I am absolutely in love with the soup dumplings here.
The traffic is obscene. No one knows how to drive.

I’ll make sure to get you and Brenda some kitschy Chairman souvenirs.
OMG! People seem oblivious to the fact that Mao killed 70 million of his countrymen.

The weather reminds me of Burbank.
I can’t breathe!

We saw the Forbidden Palace, which was really impressive. So much history!
Everyone at Tienanmen Square looks tense, like someone might mention what happened there.

It’s a lot different than I’d imagined.
It’s not communism. It’s like totalitarian capitalism. They can’t possibly
keep this up. They must know this.

Honestly, it’s some of the most amazing food I’ve ever had.
George Orwell would totally be
freaking out.

I have a new love: Sesame Luck Noodle.
The track team was juicing! I saw it first hand!

Peter prefers to skip the guidebooks and go out on his own.
Peter asked what happened to the guy who stood in front of the tanks
and yelled at the army.

Peter’s been trying out his Mandarin on the bellhop.
Peter told them Taiwan was not part of the People’s Republic.

Peter sends his love.
Peter was sentenced to death.


Previously

Defendant: The 10 Minute IQ Quiz Count 1: Misdemeanor typo. Count 2: Misdemeanor typo in the commission of an alleged test of intelligence. Report: Officer, who wishes to remain anonymous, was investigating a Facebook advertisement. Said advertisement brought …

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