Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

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Election 2004: The Foodservice Analogy

You live in a town with two restaurants. They’re across the street from each other. They’ve been there forever. They have similar cuisine. Neither one is particularly thrilling, but it’s all the town has to offer aside from a place way on the outskirts of town that most folks don’t want to drive to.
You’ve been eating at one place for a few years. They have really good meatloaf, but a lot of crap side dishes.
The place across the street has a bad reputation for meatloaf. They’re known for their side dishes. Their prices are a little cheaper too, so they attract college kids with less sophisticated palates.
That place claims to be under new management and suggests they have better meatloaf than what you’re eating. But, you’ve heard the new chef is kind of a jerk. He claims to have studied with master chefs in France, though no one can vouch for him and he won’t show you his degree.
Meanwhile, you’re getting a little sick of the meatloaf you’ve been eating because every once in a while there’s some gristle. The atmosphere gets on your nerves because they won’t change the radio. And the chef keeps insisting that every dish come with a side of Brussels sprouts.
Some folks want to try the meatloaf across the street, even though they don’t trust the chef. Some folks are happy with the meatloaf here – to the point of denying there’s any gristle in it.
A fat guy in a baseball cap makes a documentary suggesting there’s mousecrap in the meatloaf, while a bunch of patrons accuse the other restaurant of pooping in their side dishes.
As a result, the majority of folks filter out of both restaurants and stand in the middle of the street debating whether or not to check out the restaurant on the outskirts of town. Eventually they decide it’s too much of a hassle to get to. Citing the lesser of two evils, they head back in to the restaurant that they think has less fecal matter on the flatware.


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