Below you'll find some select clippage of my writing for a variety of publications and newspapers.
Further examples of my writing can be found on my website Banterist and in my new book.

About Face CRACKED Getting a face transplant? This article tells you exactly what you should expect, based on my non-existant medical and psychological background. PDF

No One Loves Them Like You Do RADAR A guide for aspiring celebrity stalkers. PDF

I'll Tell You Everything If You Give Me A Muffin (a.k.a Saddam's Interrogation Logs) THE INDEPENDENT After it appeared on McSweeeney's the editors at The Independent asked me for a longer version for the paper. A new relationship blossomed and paid pretty well to boot. PDF or Link

How Past Girlfriends Could Have Changed History McSWEENEY'S As you might guess from the title, this is how my past girlfriends could have changed history. Link

Sober On St. Paddy's - FUSION One day a year, Donahue Fitzpatrick stays sober to honor St. Patrick.Whoever he was. PDF

Spoilt Brats (and that's just the parents) THE INDEPENDENT The editors sent me to Kidville NY armed with an infant to learn about the business of keeping children occupied. PDF or Link

I Do (for the time being) THE INDEPENDENT Lamenting the suffering instituition of marriage. PDF or Link

Gambling's Bright Side FUSION What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, along with your money.PDF

Why I Am leaving The Troupe McSWEENEY'S What happens when Jesus is in your comedy troupe? All hell breaks loose. Link

The Wrong Trousers THE INDEPENDENT My eBay ad for leather pants became somewhat of an internet phenomenon, so I wrote about it. PDF or Link

Fortune's Biggest Fools RADAR Online Seeing modern icons through the eyes of Shakespeare. PDF

Possible Closing Lines For a Defendant Who Has Chosen To Represent Himself McSWEENEY'S Appears in the McSweeney's Best Of compilation Created In Darkness By Troubled Americans. Link