Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

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Yelp Reviews


Yelp Review: Barry’s Boot Camp

My dream was to pay a lot of dollars to navigate a tiny plot of sweat-drenched real estate in the dark while a tiny man with a microphone shouted orders over soulless uptempo music. I lived it. The dark room is permeated by a red glow – just like they have on submarines. This is…


Yelp Review: Morgenstern’s Fine Ice Cream

I grew up in the 70s as the child of an executive at Howard Johnson’s. The only flavor in my freezer was Howard Johnson’s Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream. However, I did not like Howard Johnson’s Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream. I have to wonder how much different life would be if I’d had access…


Yelp Review: Apple Berry iPhone Repair

My night table was not where I thought it was. As a result, my beloved iPhone 5S was placed on top of oxygen atoms which are sadly lacking in solidity. Had I placed the phone on top of the carbon, hydrogen and oxygen atoms present in my wood night table, there would not have been…


Yelp Review: Sleep No More

About five minutes into my adventure some guy came running out of the shadows choking and I lost my wife. At this point I felt weird and toyed with the idea of returning to the bar area. Not that it happens to me often, but I feel awkward in crowds of people in scary masks…


Yelp Review: Mars 2112

If I were writing a screenplay about struggling actors working in a depressing theme restaurant, it would be set here. We enter. A woman with gold sparkles splattered on her face and a nominal command of language ushers us into the “spaceship” to Mars. My darling prodigies grab seats in the front of the empty…


Yelp Review: Little Branch

This is the first establishment that got me thinking about ice cubes. I’d never really thought about ice cubes before. I knew them to be cold. I knew that their time on earth was limited, especially if I’m drinking. But I never really thought about the diversity of ice cubes we enjoyed. At least in…