Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

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I Will Destroy Your Child’s Drawings For You

I know exactly what happened. You made a baby. Years later your progeny formed the muscles he or she needed to hold a crayon. Immediately, your adorable little creature started drawing stuff. Since that time, your darling child has been creating works of art. Precious works of art. So precious that you can’t bear to…


Why Are These Zombies So Brittle?

Hey Gang, I know it’s been a crazy few months with all the running for our lives and the collapse of society and all that. You’re family to me and I love you, but something’s been nagging at me and I just need to put it out there. Why are these zombies so brittle? Anybody…


Bad News from Mars

Hi Houston. Bad news. Mars is inhospitable to bees. Commander Orinsky was convinced that some of our science bees “might enjoy” some fresh air, but as soon as the airlock door opened they did this thing where they stopped flying and fell down. We thought it might be a trick but it wasn’t, so we’re…


Memo to My Campaign Staff

Adored Campaign Staff, With my presidential offensive in full swing, we need to be two steps ahead of the “gotcha” media in every way. Preparedness is key. It’s imperative that we wargame how we’ll handle them in any situation. For example, let’s imagine photos emerge where I’m standing in the middle of a Harvard frat…



Yelp Review: Barry’s Boot Camp

My dream was to pay a lot of dollars to navigate a tiny plot of sweat-drenched real estate in the dark while a tiny man with a microphone shouted orders over soulless uptempo music. I lived it. The dark room is permeated by a red glow – just like they have on submarines. This is…


The Trailer for the Book

This is the trailer for my new book. You didn’t used to have to do trailers for books, but then something called the Internet came and completely changed publishing. So now books have trailers like movies do. I don’t know why. I don’t make the rules. The book is available at bookstores. Hopefully at eye-level….


Spitting Booty Cheddar

A little short with Malcom in the Middle regular Gary Anthony Williams, Tommy Smeltzer and me. Spitting Booty Cheddar from Gary Anthony Williams


Book: And Here’s The Kicker

Vanity Fair editor Mike Sacks, who holds a dear place in my heart because of his efforts to promote my book, has his own book. And Here’s the Kicker is a collection of interviews with 21 comedy writers from TV, publishing, film and the interweb. If you like humor, aspire to write humor, or write…