Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

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Did you know?

The unicycle is a form of transportation for people who really need attention.


Jury Duty Tips

We’re blessed to live in a country where each and every individual (not you, felons!) can participate in the justice system. A trial by a jury of our peers is one of our inalienable rights, and serving as a juror is not only a privilege but a civic obligation.
That said, jury duty can be a dreadfully tedious ordeal that you’d really like to get the hell out of – like if the trial will last a month and is about rich people suing other rich people over a bent building.



Patents for a Better Tomorrow: Stop-To-Type Technology

Stop-To-Type technology disables the keyboard on your mobile phone or PDA when the device detects movement. This eliminates the dangers associated with people weaving down sidewalks as they write novellas to friends, family and business associate on their personal electronic devices.


Sober On St. Paddy’s

It’s fine to be drunk 364 days of the year but St. Paddy’s Day is a special time. It’s a time to honor a saint who did something or other.


Keeping A Marriage Fresh

Rather than answer everyone’s queries about marriage freshness individually I have prepared this helpful advice. I have done so knowing two things. One, nobody who plays hockey with Tim Robbins seems to like him, and two, advice always follows a standard formula: clever analogy and three main points to remember.


Poland Dispatch: The Ostrich

The ostrich has the timid demeanor of Michael Jackson with the expressionless face of Brendan Fraser. It can be described as a small beanbag chair perched on two corn stalks with a vacuum hose neck and Nerf football head. They have very large eyes that they use to take in the world around them – which, judging from their behavior, they don’t really understand all too well.


Cats Do Not Like Change

With their preference for routine, it’s quite understandable that many cats are troubled by the appearance of new humans in the household. When presented with such dramatic change they react in one of two ways: 1) They hide under the bed or behind furniture, 2) They eat the dramatic change.








“Making It” Made Easy

There was a time, and it really wasn’t that long ago, that in order to be famous you had to accomplish something. Prior to the red carpet being rolled out for you and the nuisance of restaurant reservations being waived, it was necessary for you to write a book, appear in a blockbuster, sing a…


Copier Jam

I remember back in the ’80s when I was reading a some aspiring-writer magazine of the sort and came across an ad for Xerox asking, rather pleading, that aspiring writers stop using ‘Xerox’ as a verb or noun in their stories. At the time I never quite understood the reasoning. I was too young and…


Green Card Blues

The prevailing myth among those who have never experienced the U.S. Immigration & Naturalization Service first hand is that when you marry an American you are simply issued a Green Card and all is well. That’s not exactly true.