Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

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Associated Global Systems – We Almost Deliver

Creative Brief for advertising copywriters Client: Associated Global Systems – a national corporation that tries unsuccessfully to deliver things. Objective: To establish Associated Global Systems as the “go to” shipping company for when you want most, but not all, of your packages delivered. Background: Coming on the heels of our very successful “Let Us Lose…




“Making It” Made Easy

There was a time, and it really wasn’t that long ago, that in order to be famous you had to accomplish something. Prior to the red carpet being rolled out for you and the nuisance of restaurant reservations being waived, it was necessary for you to write a book, appear in a blockbuster, sing a…


Nathaniel Jones: Real American Hero

We live in troubled times, indeed. And I for one am worried. I’m worried that it’s no longer safe for a drug-addled, 41-year old, 400 pound, parole-violating black man with an enlarged heart to attack cops. I’m worried that our society has gone so terribly wrong that you can’t just ingest cocaine, PCP and methanol,…


Real Guerilla Marketing

This ad for fracturedatlas.org has been appearing for some time in Backstage the newspaper for actors (and by proxy, waiters and dog walkers). I’m not sure what to make of this. A communist guerilla says that artists deserve health insurance? What’s next, Mao demanding artists get car insurance? Perhaps Stalin wants artists to have discounted…


SWF Seeks Oblivious WM

Monica Lewinsky is learning the hard way (pun intended) that going down on Heads of State can be hazardous to your dating life. Though she’s managed to parlay her Oral Office experience into a line of handbags and a stint as a reality TV show host, she tells Reuters that guys are still intimidated by…


Green Card Blues

The prevailing myth among those who have never experienced the U.S. Immigration & Naturalization Service first hand is that when you marry an American you are simply issued a Green Card and all is well. That’s not exactly true.


Dear Cyclist Whom I Will Be Beating

I am not certain of the circumstances that will lead to you, the cyclist, being beaten by me, the pedestrian, because I am writing this letter in advance. First off, I would like to offer my apologies for the beating, and say that when it occurs it will be a spontaneous event, not pre-meditated or…


Nextel: Dumb.

Like many folks, I am annoyed by loud, one-sided mobile phone conversations conducted by individuals around me on sidewalks, in restaurants, department stores and the doctor’s office. At the very least, it’s discourteous to hoot and holler on the phone as if you were in your living room. Sometimes it’s absolutely obnoxious, such as when…