Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

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“It Was Twenty Years Ago Today”

In 2005 my wife dragged me, kicking and screaming, to China. I did not want to go because I had a picture in my head that I was quite comfortable with and didn’t feel like challenging it. But, since my wife is almost invariably right it turned out to be one of the most amazing trips of my life. I still talk about the asparagus. Best asparagus ever. No doubt it was farmed in melamine-tainted soil with carcinogenic fertilizers – but it was truly delicious.






Aelfred of Dunwoody Recalls a Viking Incursion at Wal-Mart, 848 AD.

As the gardening aisle braced for the onslaught of these merciless philistines we could hear the blood-curdling screams of the unfortunates who had taken refuge in the CD section. The Vikings slaughtered them to a man, and in their berserk fury did destroy a multitude of CDs in a section that spanned from John Mayer to White Stripes.




Events Historians Have Ignored With Good Reason

The Battle of Geddy Lee The Frowning Upon of Sir Henry Cromwell of Hinchinbrook, 1588 Massacre of the Not-So-Innocents Martin’s Theory of Recently Printed Matter Drying Much Quicker When You Wave It Around The Stiffing of Beer Hall Putsch Waitress Elga Bundsen, 1923 Plato’s Treatise on Prawns Invention of the Footprint Ben O’Malley’s Mastery of…


Dear Medieval Freake

I’m tired of all ye Medieval freakes trying to tell me how great the Medieval times are. Well, I’m there right now and I can tell you that it’s a whole bunch of crap, for certain. I just buried my fourth wife for starters. I lost my first Katherine to complications of childbirth, the second…