Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

Menu

Backwards Swastika Brand Vegetarian Barbecue Sauce

nazicue.jpg
Ranting, raving and dramatic arm gestures about the health and ethical implications of meat-eating are merely window-dressing in the great struggle that is National Vegetarianism. But we fight the battle against carnivorism knowing that inside every true-hearted veggie is an herbifascist waiting for a great leader to guide, inspire, and cover their main courses with sauce and honor.
That’s why there’s Backwards Swastika Brand Vegetarian Barbecue Sauce.
Backwards Swastika Brand Vegetarian Barbecue Sauce will ignite the fires of herbifascism in every vegetarian – and anyone else willing to go along for the ride. The good, meat-shunning folk of the land, having endured embarrassment by the antics of PETA and countless jokes about being pasty-faced, will be at once inspired to rise up. The vegetarian peoples will become a force to be reckoned with for the next thousand years, give or take a few.
Backwards Swastika Brand Vegetarian Barbecue Sauce signals the end of diplomacy and the beginning of a delicious, meat-free offensive. Its genetically perfect, nuanced flavors will take your taste-buds by surprise in a blitz of soy and sesame goodness.
All will look on in awe as you conquer their palates with the message of National Vegetarianism and a delightful blend of malt flour, wheat and salt. The world will be your oyster – which you will immediately put back into its oyster place that it may live out its life fully.
Backwards Swastika Brand Vegetarian Barbecue Sauce is the One Sauce for your barbecue. Any other sauce is inferior and should be subjugated.
The spices, peanut powder and coconut powder in every can of Backwards Swastika Brand Vegetarian Barbecue Sauce create a flavor sensation that is truly mesmerizing. So much so, that I was just following my tastebuds is a viable excuse for anything you might do under its scrumptious influence.
Backwards Swastika Brand Vegetarian Barbecue Sauce can dominate both eastern and western dishes. Preferably not at the same time, as it historically difficult to maintain a two-front tastekrieg.
Backwards Swastika Brand Vegetarian Barbecue Sauce is the final solution for your dinner plans. Retail: $1.85.
Available at select, culturally clueless Asian supermarkets.


Previously

THE BOURNE DISCREPANCY After discovering a bar tab with a martini he never ordered, Jason Bourne must track down the waiter and have his check re-issued. But first, he must try to find out why the …

Next

An attempt to comfort those reeling from high gasoline prices by exploring what other liquids cost by the gallon. For Radar online.