Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

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Ask Banterist: Taxing Question

Dear Banterist,
I am still a relatively new member of the New York community. There is something which puzzles me, and I require your help in resolving this matter.
New York City taxis are remarkably inexpensive. I therefore deduce that the drivers thereof, typically of international stock, are not well paid. So why are they always talking on their cellphones, which are expensive?
My wife and two children (I believe they are mine) enjoy a cellphone each. They have a combined plan which the woman at Verizon swore on her ovaries was the best deal in town – $102/ month. This has neither rollovers, legovers or leftovers. So how can Nassir Malik (W17th Street -> Central Park West & 89th street -> Madison and 60th = $13.20) and Michael Fontainive (5th Avenue and 47th -> Prince and Mercer = $4.40) afford to jabber away in distant tongues all day? What plan are they on? Do they represent a key demographic which Verizon’s Marketing Department has been successfully mining for the past years?
When I first arrived in NYC from London, I was confused by the chattering from the cab area. Not seeing the headset, I would assume that the driver was addressing me. I would reply to the chatter from the front of the cab with a classic ‘Excuse Me’ or ‘I’m Sorry’ (Hugh Grant has made a fortune out of the disorientated Englishman manoeuvre) only to be met with an icy stare from the orient.
Do NYC taxi drivers have a special plan, or do they spend their days driving around the city simply to finance their expensive habit.
Banterist – Please help me.
Jonathan M.
Dear Jonathan,
Very easily explained. New York taxi drivers enjoy a supplemental income from Al Qaeda.


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