Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

Menu

Archives

This is archive of all posts on banterist.com


Welcome to My Terribly Neglected Blog

HUMBUG! I have not updated this sucker since August 2011 when my second book came out. Even before that it had been quite some time since I noticed it. Like a spouse of 50 years, I assume. This blog was very good to me. I started it several years ago when time was not such…


Yelp Review: Sleep No More

About five minutes into my adventure some guy came running out of the shadows choking and I lost my wife. At this point I felt weird and toyed with the idea of returning to the bar area. Not that it happens to me often, but I feel awkward in crowds of people in scary masks…


The Trailer for the Book

This is the trailer for my new book. You didn’t used to have to do trailers for books, but then something called the Internet came and completely changed publishing. So now books have trailers like movies do. I don’t know why. I don’t make the rules. The book is available at bookstores. Hopefully at eye-level….


Yelp Review: Mars 2112

If I were writing a screenplay about struggling actors working in a depressing theme restaurant, it would be set here. We enter. A woman with gold sparkles splattered on her face and a nominal command of language ushers us into the “spaceship” to Mars. My darling prodigies grab seats in the front of the empty…


One Week To Book Release / Debt Ceiling Debacle

This is my book. It comes out August 2nd. It is a nonpartisan look at politics in the U.S.A. – hence the title. In fact, it’s kind of ironic that it releases on the same day Washington politicians plan on imploding the country for the sake of partisan politics. Woo! You can pre-order it on…


Piña Colada Song 2011

I felt compelled to adapt Rupert Holmes’s “Piña Colada Song” for modern times. And I don’t see why he doesn’t, seeing as Elton John does that crap all the time. I was tired of my lady We’d been together too long Like a tired old playlist Of my iPod’s best songs So while she lay…


Yelp Review: Little Branch

This is the first establishment that got me thinking about ice cubes. I’d never really thought about ice cubes before. I knew them to be cold. I knew that their time on earth was limited, especially if I’m drinking. But I never really thought about the diversity of ice cubes we enjoyed. At least in…


Yelp Review: Ninja Restaurant

It occurred to me that I’d never taken my son to a restaurant where strange people leap out from the shadows. I decided to rectify this situation immediately. Upon researching dining venues peopled with faux-assassins, I came to realize that in all of New York City there appears to be only one. One! I was…


Your Vacation In Iceland

Congratulations! You’ve just purchased your airline tickets and are committed to a vacation in the truly remarkable country of Iceland. What can you expect? IT IS COLD. Iceland is called Iceland for a reason. If it were Sunland or Warmistan you could be forgiven for being upset at the absence of heat you will undoubtedly…


How To Book A Hotel Room In Iceland

Go to the hotel’s website. It was designed in the late 1990s but it should have room rate information somewhere. The room rate information will be in Icelandic Króna (ISK). Is 20,000 ISK expensive? Who knows? You’ll have to leave the web page and go to Google Finance. Use the currency converter to find out….


Odyssey Dawn Belongs On Charlie Sheen’s Sofa

Odyssey Dawn sounds like a porn star name. I’m not quite sure why they went that route. It seems to buck the trend of naming military operations something that kind of makes sense. Desert Storm makes sense. Uphold Democracy makes sense. Provide Comfort makes sense. Odyssey Dawn? Porn star name. Naming military operations is something…


A Primer In Politics For The Incredibly Disenchanted

Alas, I’m afraid my blog is more neglected than one of Charlie Sheen’s children. There are several reasons. Babies, busy, ran out of funny. One of the bigger reasons for this extended neglect has been that I’ve been working on another book. The final edits are on their way to the publisher, Simon & Schuster….



Spitting Booty Cheddar

A little short with Malcom in the Middle regular Gary Anthony Williams, Tommy Smeltzer and me. Spitting Booty Cheddar from Gary Anthony Williams


I Am An Expert On France

In case you were unaware, French highways become parking lots during the summer. Especially in the south of France. Especially on Saturdays when people are departing from or arriving to the vacation houses they’ve rented. I learned that fact this summer, having spent countless hours in various traffic jams. Just sitting. Sitting, sitting, sitting and…



Google Presents An Exciting Business Opportunity

My wife and I had been talking for a long time about a start-up business. We’d been looking for something challenging and rewarding. As you can imagine, when this well-targeted Google ad popped up it was a eureka moment for both of us: Labor camps! Of course! Why didn’t we think of that? So much…