From New York, a weblog of original humor by Brian Sack.
Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

Travel

F.A.Q.: Why Is Your Playground On Top Of A Cemetery?

When you're thinking about building a playground for kids, your first inclination might be "let's not build this on a 200-year old cemetery." But in our case, we thought differently. Read on...

Consumer Reportage: Car Booster Seat and Restraint Comparison

For the purposes of this test we outfitted two cars. One car with the Graco TurboBooster car seat, the other with plastic restraints. To ensure the best possible uniformity in testing we used a pair of identical twins separated from their mother by eye-opening legal precedent.Read on...

Poland Dispatch: Unfortunate Products

Naughty backpack, VD pants and the game of fart.Read on...

Traveling With Children

Air travel is rarely a fun or relaxing experience - and when kids are involved it's like poking your eyes out with a fork while jackbooted thugs step on your groin and Hitler pours acid on your herb garden. Here are some helpful tips to keep you sane this holiday season.Read on...

Poland Dispatch: A Country Wedding

I'd always considered my wife's home village to be "rural" because there aren't many people in it, the police station is only open on Tuesday, and I can walk the length of it in under six minutes. By virtue of having been there several times and having attended town gatherings and New Year's Eve parties I can say that I've likely met or crossed paths with every single person there who isn't holed up in their domicile.Read on...

Poland Dispatch: Renaissance Festival vs. Borne Sulinowo Military Festival

As you might expect, a comparison between a Renaissance Festival and the Borne Sulinowo Military Festival.Read on...

Poland Dispatch: Village Gossip

The village has a brand new gathering spot courtesy of the mayor. What was once the ruins of the old...Read on...

Lithuania Dispatch: Comment Riot Timeline

Crowds form outside the Radisson hotel in Vilnius. Turkish consulate is set on fire because it's conveniently located next door. Read on...

Wheatopia Dispatch: Driving in Poland and Lithuania

Excerpts from the adrenalin-riffic ride between Lithuania and Poland.Read on...

Lithuania Dispatch: Report from Wheatopia

Lithuania is mostly beautiful countryside peppered with the occasional farm. The occasional farm is peppered with a sunburned farmer loading hay onto a mule-drawn cart with an 1873 pitchfork.Read on...

The Traveling Kind of Blows Report

They'll take no Caca.Read on...

Paris Dispatch: L'Airport Que Sucks

Charles de Gaulle Airport was designed by architect Paul Andreu whose influences include hamsters (tube tunnels), Stalin (decomposing concrete) and Hitler (suffering).Read on...

Fort Wayne Dispatch: Midwest Trumps the Mideast

A visit to Fort Wayne, Indiana.Read on...

Las Vegas Dispatch: Oh, Craps.

Direct from Sin City, Greater Scumbagia.Read on...

China Dispatch: Final Thoughts

I'll definitely be back. Unless they all come here first.Read on...

Shanghai Dispatch: Xiangyang Market

A visit to the hallowed grounds of trademark infringement.Read on...

Yang Shou Dispatch: Maogaritaville

No cheeseburgers in paradise.Read on...

Guilin Dispatch: A Four Hour Tour, a Four Hour Tour.

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip... Read on...

China Dispatch: The Liv Tyler Store

For all your Liv Tyler needs.Read on...

China Dispatch: Tickets, pleas.

When traveling China by rail it's important to remember one thing which they do not tell you when you buy your train tickets...Read on...

Xi'An Dispatch: Warrin' Terra

A visit to the Terra Cotta Army of Xi'AnRead on...

Beijing Dispatch: She's Even Cuter In Kelvin Klein Briefs

Is it still copyright infringement if you get the name of the company wrong?Read on...

Beijing Dispatch: Where The Party Never Stops

If Shanghai is the New York of China, Beijing is its Washington, DC - right down to the very visible police and military presence, the manicured and well-planned streets and the official buildings. There's a lot more Mao here.Read on...

China Dispatch: Using the Squat Toilet

Rule One: Exhaust all other possibilities.Read on...

China Dispatch: You Dim Sum, You Lose Some

I can deal with goose head, duck tongue, chicken stomach and pig's ears - but the typical Chinese menu is like an episode of Fear Factor without the chance to win anything other than irritable bowel syndrome.Read on...

Shanghai Dispatch: Dove Reaches Out To China's Heavy Gals

What's fat in Asia?Read on...

Shanghai Dispatch: Effects of Overpopulation, #1

What to expect when your population reaches 1.3 billion.Read on...

Shanghai Dispatch: Shanghai Surprise

Anything is fair game. While I'm willing to be adventurous (jellyfish) I'm not willing to be too adventurous (goose stomach). The bad news for dog lovers is that man's best friend finds himself on the menu. The good news is they're more of a winter thing, so you still have some time to play with your pet.Read on...

Shanghai Dispatch: Cabbing Fever

Bicycles give pedestrians wind-burn only to by cut off by scooters weaving through cars jamming their brakes in front of buses being overtaken by taxis.Read on...

And Mao For Something Completely Different

Wherein we go very East.Read on...

Sky Mall: For The Shameless Traveler

For the savvy traveler who doesn't care what people think.Read on...

Report From A Very Expensive Wedding

Michael Stipe gets to wear a leather cap at formal events.Read on...

Poland Dispatch: Village Gossip

It was a close race between the village mayor and the village priest for Most Overwhelming Christmas Display 2005, but ultimately the crown goes to God's humble servant whose power bills are subsidized by the Vatican. He had an electric sleigh on his roof and lots of people eager to earn brownie points by wiring his bushes. Honorable mention goes to the mayor, whose lights flashed wickedly and often.Read on...

Poland Dispatch: Oh, the Places We'd Like To Go!

Poland-Frankfurt-JFK With baby makes for a long day. Can you check us in my friend? Can you help us in the end?Read on...

French Bred

Films inspired by two weeks in France.Read on...

France Dispatch: Phrasing Questions Properly

How to make sure you get exactly what you want.Read on...

Poland Dispatch: New Year's Eve In The Village

Celebrating Sylvester, way out here.Read on...

Poland Dispatch: The German Poo-Shelf Toilet

From the people who brought us jet engines and superior armored vehicles.Read on...

Poland Dispatch: The Ostrich

The ostrich has the timid demeanor of Michael Jackson with the expressionless face of Brendan Fraser. It can be described as a small beanbag chair perched on two corn stalks with a vacuum hose neck and Nerf football head. They have very large eyes that they use to take in the world around them - which, judging from their behavior, they don't really understand all too well.Read on...

Poland Dispatch: Sign Language Lady

Who's that girl?Read on...

Tourist's Declaration of Understanding

A very important travel document.Read on...

Kazakhstan - How To Get There

Planning a trip to Kazakhstan? Didn't think so.Read on...

Report From London

Notes from London, the New York of Europe.Read on...

Poland Dispatch: Rocky 2, Neighbors 0

A bite as bad as its bark.Read on...

Poland Dispatch: Village Gossip

A son from the richest village family was sent off to jail for six months for having a few too...Read on...

Poland Dispatch: Mending Fences

Twain said golf was a good walk, spoiled. But, I submit he probably never stumbled upon dead dogs during...Read on...

Poland Dispatch: Christmas In Poland

The Polish countryside with a dusting of snow makes a remarkable Christmas landscape. The snow was exquisitely timed so...Read on...

Poland Dispatch: Car For Sale

1996 Polonez Caro 4-door, hatchback Color: Darkish something Engine: 4 cylinder, 65 Catpower Transmission: 5 Speed Standard 106000 Kilometers...Read on...

Poland Dispatch: Catching Up With Capitalism

Yesterday was an exciting day. We left the village and drove to the 'big city' of Pila (pee-wa) which isn't...Read on...

Poland Dispatch: Review, Village Bar

The village bar, so called because it's the bar and in a village, is a smallish one-room affair. There are...Read on...

Poland Dispatch: Virgin Gives It Up

Virgin is the greatest airline ever in the history of flight to cross the Atlantic. I have flown numerous carriers...Read on...

Banterist Goes To Poland

Banterist will be dispatching from an incredibly inconvenient part of Poland beginning today. Our geographic location will be seven hours...Read on...

Kazakhstan: Not very -stan like.

If you got all the other -stans and put them together, the resulting country would still be smaller than...Read on...

Report from Poland - Raport z Polski

Poland is a country of approximately 38 million people, all of whom will stop and stare at you as you...Read on...