From New York, a weblog of original humor by Brian Sack.
Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

Thoughts

Patents for a Better Tomorrow: Stop-To-Type Technology

Stop-To-Type technology disables the keyboard on your mobile phone or PDA when the device detects movement. This eliminates the dangers associated with people weaving down sidewalks as they write novellas to friends, family and business associate on their personal electronic devices.Read on...

Sober On St. Paddy's

It’s fine to be drunk 364 days of the year but St. Paddy’s Day is a special time. It’s a time to honor a saint who did something or other. Read on...

Keeping A Marriage Fresh

Rather than answer everyone's queries about marriage freshness individually I have prepared this helpful advice. I have done so knowing two things. One, nobody who plays hockey with Tim Robbins seems to like him, and two, advice always follows a standard formula: clever analogy and three main points to remember.Read on...

Poland Dispatch: The Ostrich

The ostrich has the timid demeanor of Michael Jackson with the expressionless face of Brendan Fraser. It can be described as a small beanbag chair perched on two corn stalks with a vacuum hose neck and Nerf football head. They have very large eyes that they use to take in the world around them - which, judging from their behavior, they don't really understand all too well.Read on...

Cats Do Not Like Change

With their preference for routine, it's quite understandable that many cats are troubled by the appearance of new humans in the household. When presented with such dramatic change they react in one of two ways: 1) They hide under the bed or behind furniture, 2) They eat the dramatic change.Read on...

What My Wife Has Learned From Watching The Forensic Files

How it could happen.Read on...

Losing Your Hard Drive Is Like Taking A Nice Vacation

So hectic is our multi-gigabyte life we forget to sit back, relax, and lose all of our data.Read on...

The Pay-O-Matic Logo Meeting

An imagined transcript from the Pay-O-Matic logo brainstorm. Read on...

What's Wrong With This Picture?

When life is a little too cheap.Read on...

The Breast That Launched A Thousand Queries

At Nipplegate's Ground Zero.Read on...

Those Who Pre-Cana Don't Really Wanna

Punishing the commitment-minded couple.Read on...

The Year In Review

Banterist reflects on 2003.Read on...

"Making It" Made Easy

There was a time, and it really wasn't that long ago, that in order to be famous you had...Read on...

Copier Jam

I remember back in the '80s when I was reading a some aspiring-writer magazine of the sort and came...Read on...

Green Card Blues

The prevailing myth among those who have never experienced the U.S. Immigration & Naturalization Service first hand is that when you marry an American you are simply issued a Green Card and all is well. That's not exactly true.Read on...

'Twas Forty Nights Before Christmas...

Lamenting a Holiday Season that begins right after the Holiday Season.Read on...

Doctor Who?

Colleges that never existed and the people who've graduated from them.Read on...

Nextel: Dumb.

Like many folks, I am annoyed by loud, one-sided mobile phone conversations conducted by individuals around me on sidewalks, in...Read on...

Precursor To The Apocalypse

That's it. We're doomed. Despite all the signs that the world was teetering on the edge of disaster, I...Read on...

Revenge of the Poles

Trudne? Trudny? Trudna?Read on...

Plight of The Average-Penised

Long before we all knew the perils of putting your email address out in the open, I gave my email...Read on...

Shedding Tears for Screeners

Every year, a certain number of actors are selected by the Screen Actors Guild to vote in the Screen Actor's...Read on...

Reparations For The Awkwardly Surnamed

Every Ho and Fuykschot is well aware they're the source of entertainment at roll call. There's not a Dickgraber or Dumfart who hasn't been hung up on at least once.Read on...