From New York, original humor & commentary by Brian Sack.
Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

Letters

Let's Not Do That Reich Before We Eat

When it comes to the finite number of quiet evenings we have together, I hope you'll join me in making them as Hitler-free as possible.Read on...

Dear Person Who Hacked Paris Hilton's Cell Phone

"Because of what you did to Ms. Hilton, other folks were hurt or placed in harm's way. Ashlee Simpson might get a call reminding her that she's a fraud perpetrating a joke on the song-downloading public. Ditto Lindsay Lohan. And Lauren Popeil, heiress to Ronco, might be hounded by people upset that her dad's Food Dehydrator is a piece of crap."Read on...

There's Something About "Mary"

Two months' worth of correspondence tormenting a West African con man.Read on...

Dear Lady Squatting In Our Midst

Our time together was brief, but somehow it seemed like an eternity. Perhaps because the image will be with us long after the earth is swallowed by a supernova. Read on...

Why I Am Leaving The Troupe

When The King Of Kings Isn't The King Of Comedy.Read on...

To The Person Who Found My Camera

I'd appreciate a chance to explain the photos.Read on...

Notes To Igor On The Occasion Of His Hair Salon Opening

How not to advertise your new Chelsea hair salon.Read on...

Dear J-Lo & Current Occupant

In which we, humbly, ask Jennifer to stop marrying all the time.Read on...

The Starfleet Academy Rejection Letter

For the Trekkie who hasn't been rejected enough.Read on...

The Apprentice, M.E.

"In retrospect, I should not have assumed in any way that your ability to win a song and dance competition, rodeo, obstacle course and home redecoration challenge would in any way be proof that you had talents, or indeed training, as a medical examiner."Read on...

An Open Letter To Elton John

Why the "American Idol" vote was not "incredibly racist" and why Sir John should be quiet more often.Read on...

A Note To The Dentist

An appointment reminder that's scarier than going to the dentist.Read on...

Dear Mayor: Smoking Mad

A patron is shocked by organized resistance.Read on...

Neckface Franchise Available

An exciting ground floor opportunity.Read on...

How New York Is

Answering the question.Read on...

Dear Gary

Got your Christmas Card. Ethan looks adorable. I was going to make some joke about him looking more like...Read on...

Dear Cyclist Whom I Will Be Beating

I am not certain of the circumstances that will lead to you, the cyclist, being beaten by me, the pedestrian,...Read on...

The Awesome Future & Stuff

For starters- Paris Hilton is totally dead! But enough about Paris Hilton.Read on...

Please Stop Reading Us Magazine

For those who've had enough celebrity fluff.Read on...

Dear Medieval Freake

I'm tired of all ye Medieval freakes trying to tell me how great the Medieval times are. Well, I'm there...Read on...