From New York, original humor & commentary by Brian Sack.
Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

In The News

Odyssey Dawn Belongs On Charlie Sheen's Sofa

Odyssey Dawn sounds like a porn star name. I'm not quite sure why they went that route. It seems to...Read on...

In Anticipation of Emancipation

I recently updated to the newest Photoshop and it's so much better! I was able to make this in...Read on...

The Headline That Wasn't - 05.27.2010

New York Post headlines I'd been hoping to see.Read on...

I Was In Vietnam Too: A True Story

I'll never forget the one afternoon we found ourselves surrounded by what we assume was Viet Cong. We were in the cafeteria at Harvard, preparing for what we in the military call "grub": sirloin steak, mashed potatoes, truffled string beans, some lobster bisque, salad, Key Lime pie and Jello. Read on...

Somebody Saw Something, Said Something

I know, I know. New York is a target and the terrorists hate our freedoms (but I'm certain they...Read on...

The Headline That Wasn't - 05.11.2010

New York Post headlines I'd been hoping to see.Read on...

The Headline That Wasn't - 05.07.2010

New York Post headlines I'd been hoping to see.Read on...

Potential Eyjafjallajokull Film Title

Delightful pun courtesy my friend Mark S.D. Harris, who tossed it out there on Facebook....Read on...

Playmobil Re-Enactments: Kind of Dubai-ous

"Dubai's police chief said on Monday that an 11-person team of trained killers with European passports carried out the...Read on...

A Trillion For Your Thoughts

After the recent release of the 2011 Federal Budget there was no shortage of complaints from all over the political...Read on...

Panel Report: Don't Ask, Don't Tell

From the onset, the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy established seventeen years ago under the Clinton Administration has been controversial....Read on...

Al Complaina: Osama Speaks

Recently, al Qaeda CEO Osama bin Laden went on a tirade about America's complicity in the climate crisis. Some...Read on...

Runners-up to Hopenhagen

Although Hopenhagen is the ultimate winner in the UN Climate Change Conference contest, we should certainly acknowledge the other...Read on...

This seems like a remarkable Photoshop opportunity

If we lived in North Korea we wouldn't dare say anything about this photograph which was taken of their...Read on...

How the Smart Grid is Different

Aware what the apostrophe is for and exactly when its use is called for. Knows not to place all its...Read on...

Michael Jackson Is All That Is Happening

So, you have the mayor of a city that can't afford it in a state that is bankrupt, spending a fortune on a memorial service for a musician who just a couple weeks ago was pretty much considered a laughing stock by lots of people. Just can't beat it.Read on...

Oh, Child Left Behind

I suppose this is exactly the kind of quote we should expect to see in an article about how 60%...Read on...

More Playmobil News

Chicago Tribune mention.Read on...

Playmobil Re-Enactments: Black Friday's Christmas Spirits

Fortunately Christmas comes but once a year.Read on...

Getting Around Chinese Censorship

A special code sheet to help you get around China's Olympic internet censorship.Read on...

The NYC Taxi Logo That No One Likes

Banterist talks with Taxi and Limousine Commission's Kevin Sydney Melton about the newly-designed New York City taxi logo that no one likes.Read on...

Playmobil Re-Enactments: The Week In Over-Reaction

Using my son's toys more than he does.Read on...

More Recalled Chinese Toys

Importing trouble.Read on...

Playmobil Re-Enactments: Pet Food Recall

Re-enacting the week's biggest news events with my son's Christmas present. Which I use more than my son.Read on...

Pemberton's Clinic

Specializing in degayification and unqueering.Read on...

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Interview - Mike Schatz

Interview with Mike Schatz, Aqua Teen Hunger Force's "Emory"Read on...

Mayor Bloomberg Fan Fiction

"Thank you for banning trans-fats," I said, saluting him with a flavorless French fry.Read on...

O.J. Sets A Trend

Read on...

I Just Flew In From Iraq, And Boy Are My Arms Tired

Politics are funny, but not politicians.Read on...

Review: Justin's Restaurant

Justin's ambience makes it quite suitable for a romantic dinner - the soft candlelight could smooth out the most hideously scarred of dates and the pounding, bowel-quaking music mimics a beating heart. On most nights a live DJ mixes a variety of memorable tunes peppered with swears and occasional small arms fire. Read on...

The 2006 Photo(shop) Journalism Awards

The 2006 Photo(shop) Journalism Awards celebrate the best work of the best Photo(shop) journalists, all of whom are Adnan Hajj.Read on...

Enraged Bouncers - FAQ

With yet another bouncer killing yet another bar patron, New Yorkers - at least the ones who get go out and drunk a lot - are understandably frightened and want answers.Read on...

Revisionist Spellcheck

Straight from David Irving's laptop.Read on...

A Million Little Explanations

In the wake of James Frey's comeuppance on Oprah, and with my own memoir of hardship, addiction and persecution heading to press, I feel it behooves me to come clean now...Read on...

Some Like It Hot

An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last. - Winston Churchill.Read on...

All Hail The New York Transit Worker

'Twas five days before Christmas and all through the town; Not a train was up running, they'd all been shut down...Read on...

Superficial Voter's Guide - NYC 2005

A non-partisan guide for judgemental New York voters.Read on...

My Mayor Makes The City Safe

When random, politically correct violations of the Fourth Amendment aren't enough.Read on...

Future Mission Scrubs

STS-123: Gull droppings in employee parking lot.Read on...

Welcome to the MTA Subway Store!

Introducing the Orwell XL Transparent Backpack, for New York's busy subway commuters.Read on...

Why Our SWAT Team Needs A Monkey

Monkeys are disarming. Criminals are often armed. Therefore, monkeys can disarm criminals.Read on...

A Public Message From Sean P. Diddy Combs

TiVo or Die!Read on...

Dear Person Who Hacked Paris Hilton's Cell Phone

"Because of what you did to Ms. Hilton, other folks were hurt or placed in harm's way. Ashlee Simpson might get a call reminding her that she's a fraud perpetrating a joke on the song-downloading public. Ditto Lindsay Lohan. And Lauren Popeil, heiress to Ronco, might be hounded by people upset that her dad's Food Dehydrator is a piece of crap."Read on...

The Political Capital MasterCard

With the MBNA Political Capital MasterCard, every dollar spent or vote received will earn you one Political Capital Point. You can use your points for valuable travel, hotel and shopping rewards, or simply to further your mandate. Even better, Political Capital Points can be transferred into most Frequent Flyer and 527 Group accounts. With Political Capital Points, how you use them is up to you!Read on...

Helpful Plastic Surgery Tips

To judge the success of your plastic surgery, stand outside. If people try to chase you off of a cliff with pitchforks, consider finding another plastic surgeon and getting a second opinion.Read on...

The Baha Men Commission Report

Finally... closure.Read on...

Tuesday Night At The Republican National Convention

On the floor of the Republican National Convention, the safest place on earth.Read on...

The Mayor Introduces Operation Sh

In which the Mayor of New York tackles a new enemy, and asks if you wouldn't mind turning that down a little.Read on...

Hey New York, Recycling's Back!

What can and can't be recycled.Read on...

Green Lit: Hollywood's Upcoming Pilots

A look at Hollywood's promising TV pilots currently in production.Read on...

FAQ: Why Israel Killed the Lord of The Rings Guy

Banterist explains Israel's assassination of Saruman the White (played by Christopher Lee).Read on...

Moving Osama

Helpful Moving Tips For Fugitive Islamist Lunatics One Month Before: -Start shopping around for moving companies as soon as...Read on...

Book Your Flight to 1232 AD

The Saudi PR machine falls on its face.Read on...

The Breast That Launched A Thousand Queries

At Nipplegate's Ground Zero.Read on...

Nipplegate: The Index

For coining the term early on, Banterist was rewarded with top positioning on Google and thus receives visits from boob freaks worldwide.Read on...

In Pursuit of Victimhood

Abercrombie vs. The Culture of ComplaintRead on...

SWF Seeks Oblivious WM

Monica Lewinsky is learning the hard way (pun intended) that going down on Heads of State can be hazardous to...Read on...

Memo Re: "The Reagans"

Selected items from the Moonves Memo regarding the reasons behind CBS cancelling "The Reagans": 'Kill 'em all and let God...Read on...

Uses for 311

311 is New York City's New Phone Number for Government Information and Services. Among the many services accessible through 311, you can...Read on...



Not for the marginally literate.



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