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Banterist: Home > December 2008 > December 4, 2008

Five Haikus About People and Their Frickin' BlackBerrys

LIBRARY
The tiny keyboard
Still makes enough of a sound
To distract, bastard

KINDERGARTEN TOUR
Very important
The future of his children
Never once looks up

THE PARK
A child on a swing
Daddy, daddy, higher please
But he is texting

STARBUCKS
Can I help you sir?
Excuse me, can I help you?
Sir? Can I help you?

GOTHAM BAR
All businessman types
Emailing just like at work
But here they are drunk


©Brian Sack | Filed under: New York | 19 Comments | Email to a Friend
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Comments

When and where will the public reading of these be?

Posted by: Jason Pierce | December 4, 2008 11:13 AM

PRESIDENT OBAMA
No e-mailing
Presidential Records Act
Will he quit it?

Posted by: Alexander | December 4, 2008 2:46 PM

iPhone
Don't know the answer
Give me a sec, my phone knows
I cannot not ask

Posted by: Jules | December 5, 2008 8:53 AM

Church
Heads bowed
But which is holy
And which only texting

Posted by: Canadian reader | December 7, 2008 8:32 PM

PEDESTRIAN

Tires screeching, smoking
Death avoided by an inch
Dude never noticed

Posted by: Anonymous | December 7, 2008 9:38 PM

5-7-5

Comments by Dummies
Hope I write a REAL Haiku
Brian and Jules know

Posted by: Steve | December 8, 2008 11:36 AM

Yeah I noticed that too, but I didn't want to ruin their thrill of posting a comment on a well-read website of satirical humor. Let them haiku incorrectly and live it up. ;)

Posted by: Author of PEDESTRIAN haiku | December 8, 2008 4:31 PM

Well if it bugs you that much, let me set things right:

PRESIDENT OBAMA
No MORE e-mailing
Presidential Records Act
Will he GIVE IT UP?


Church
Heads bowed IN PRAYER
But which is TRULY holy
And which JUST texting?

iPhone and PEDESTRIAN are already in proper haiku format, so my work here is done. No no, no need to thank me. I'm just here to be a blessing. *smarmy smile

Posted by: Isaac | December 8, 2008 4:36 PM

I was going to call out the 5-7-5 rule and how some of the posted haikus are wrong. But then I would have had to point out that Brian got the first line of THE PARK wrong. And I'm not the king of guy who would do a thing like that.

Posted by: scott | December 9, 2008 10:21 AM

That does it, I'm going to deconstruct Delgo.

-B.

Posted by: Brian Author Profile Page | December 9, 2008 10:30 AM

Now I've done it. Well, as long as you buy tickets you can do whatever you want.

Just keep in mind I wasn't the only writer. So anything you don't like, that was someone else.

Posted by: Anonymous | December 9, 2008 11:42 AM

This is amazing.

Posted by: John | December 9, 2008 5:34 PM

...and how many comments were sent in from blackberrys?

Posted by: maxoftheflesh | December 10, 2008 5:23 AM

I once wrote an email on a blackberry. It took forever, I barely got it into my laptop and it took forever to get the juice off the dvd slot. On another note, I have a brother-in-law called cuan whom we call Cu (pronounced Coo) so, if you're reading this,
"Hi, Cu!"

Posted by: jody | December 10, 2008 10:37 AM

No wonder I flunked English and math! I don't know what a haiku is and I can't count. I feel like an idiot.

Thanks Steve and Isaac. It would have been easier to come up with it using more syllables.

Posted by: Alexander | December 10, 2008 10:25 PM

Hey I don't care. I was just trying to help Steve out. It seemed to bother him that some were not in the traditional haiku format.

Posted by: Isaac | December 11, 2008 12:35 AM

These are fantastic.

But I'm holding out for the dirty Google phone limericks.

Let's get an unabridged rhyming dictionary open to 'android' in here, stat.

Posted by: hatton98 Author Profile Page | December 11, 2008 6:16 PM

Thanks Isaac. Steve was perfectly correct. I didn't bother to Wiki haiku to get the syllable structure. I'll claim artistic licence or maybe strange Canadian pronunciation. Either way what you changed it to was better that what I slapped in.

Posted by: Canadian Reader | December 13, 2008 12:11 PM

Artistic license won't work cause it was a haiku. Go with the strange Canadian pronunciation, they can never call you down on that one unless they have lived in your particular province for a long time. :D


DRIVING:
Waiting behind car
"The light is GREEN you moron!"
He's busy typing

Posted by: Anonymous | December 13, 2008 6:35 PM

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