Children:
as byproduct of coitus with twits, 49, 121, 208
driving with while unrestrained, 54, 100
losing custody of to a dunce, 210
making of, 48, 191
nearly throwing across parking lot, 87

Comeback:
planning of, 210-211
unfortunate debacle of, 218

Crotch:
as sales device, 2
exposing to paparazzi of, 154
shaving of, 28-30
surrendering to parasites of, 46, 87, 89, 102

Marriage:
and failure to pre-nuptialize, 120
as spontaneous decision like buying gum, 92
making a mockery of, 110
making another mockery of, 119

Midriff:
as signature, 9
exposure of, 33,41,102
failure to maintain, 209

Money:
acquisition of great amounts, 31
failure of to buy class, 190,193,200
failure of to buy love, 78,119

Penis:
married to a, 109

Phoning it in:
while in court, 119, 220
while on stage, 202
while in studio, 201

Public Restrooms:
walking barefoot in, 112

Relationships:
caliber of, 66
list of, 91-101
regrets about having, 139, 194-200

Tabloids:
adoration by, 10,23-40
targeting by, 212-224

Underwear:
disdain for, 56
non-use of, 58,77,92,119,123