Banterist - Poland Dispatch: Renaissance Festival vs. Borne Sulinowo Military Festival

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Poland Dispatch: Renaissance Festival vs. Borne Sulinowo Military Festival

	Renaissance Festival	Borne Sulinowo Military Festival
CELEBRATES	Glorious era when Bubonic plague killed millions.	Glorious era when Teutonic plague killed millions.
DRESS CODE	16th Century finery, armor made by a lonely teen, swords that don't cut.	20th Century battle dress, face paint, guns that don't shoot.
DEMOGRAPHIC	Frail young men who would not have qualified for knighthood, cleavage-bearing women with bad English accents, ponytailed men who wear knee-high boots outside of Renaissance festivals.	Frail young men who would not have qualified for Special Forces, hot women in camo with Polish accents, grown men in Waffen SS officer uniforms who presumably don't wear them anywhere else.
LOCALE	Random cow pastures.	Borne Sulinowo, Poland.
WEAPONRY	Claymore, Ninja sword, flimsy bow, sad flail made from duct tape and string.	Claymore, Schmeisser MP-40, PanzerFaust anti-tank projectile, plastic pistol
TOUGHEST VEHICLE	Arabian Horse.	Soviet T-55 Tank.
POPULAR COLOR	Burgundy, Gold	Camouflage (Woodland), Camouflage (Desert)
POPULAR FOODSTUFF	Undercooked poultry legs.	Meal, Ready to Eat.
SADDEST SOUVENIR	Dreamcatcher.	Rusted German helmet with bullet hole in head.

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Comments

Nice pic. The world would be a better place if all comedy writers were dealt with in such a manner.

By the way, is it me or is one of those guys fondling your rear? If so, disregard my first comment.

[ He was massaging me. I asked for an unhappy ending. -B. ]

Posted by: Christopher P | August 20, 2007 8:10 PM

I love the picture.

Posted by: Alexander | August 20, 2007 10:05 PM

Oh no, you couldn't get grabbed by the hot camo girls, you just had to piss off the Special Forces rejects instead. What, was your wife watching or something?

Posted by: lplimac | August 21, 2007 1:07 PM

I see it now - you're walking along in short pants, noshing your brat with kraut, when - without thinking - you belt out verse and chorus of a Dixie Chicks tune, maybe something from the new album.

Saucy.

Next thing you know - a very private flight in a black hood to an Eastern Bloc country is in your future.

Posted by: lowlights | August 21, 2007 5:50 PM

Are you sure Beck didn't put them up to do this?

Posted by: vetinari | August 21, 2007 11:15 PM

Love the photo.

Are those live rounds aimed at your head? Even if it was all done in fun, it had to be a little unnerving to have all those guns pointed at you (though a quick look at the picture does confirm that no one had their fingers on the triggers).

Did they have cool army nicknames like Tex, Duke, or Detroit?

Posted by: Chris | August 24, 2007 11:36 AM

Looks like whippersnapper ass author with wood-tongue bad-mouthed the Poles and got what he deserved.

Keep us smiling, B.

Posted by: Josh | September 1, 2007 9:55 PM

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