July 24
Author posts dispatch from Lithuania on his moderately trafficked humor site.
July 25
Parts of article are translated and appear on Lithuania’s website.
Comment frenzy ensues among Lithuanians with an impressive grasp of English.
July 26
Level-headed Lithuanians with better understanding of cultural commentary try to defuse situation but are out-shouted by more reactionary Lithuanians.
Author is told he has a wood tongue, whatever that means.
Crowds form outside the Radisson hotel in Vilnius. Turkish consulate is set on fire because it’s conveniently located next door.
Lithuanian police fail to disperse crowd or enforce traffic laws.
Mayor of Vilnius issues statement: “Best beer? Svyturus, of course. Aciu.”
July 27
Author delivers public address from the window of his hotel room. Attempt to tell crowd his great-grandfather was Lithuanian fails when he is pelted with delicious, meat-filled potato zeppelins.
UN peacekeepers arrive, do nothing.
Author’s Polish wife explains that outsider humor is subject to sensitivities ingrained in Baltic and Eastern European cultures – a result of historically annoying neighbors Russia and Germany.
Ambassador to Denmark shrugs shoulders and sighs. “It happens,” he says.
Author attempts to sneak out of hotel by donning a man-purse. He is discovered and chased from Vilnius by a mob of gorgeous, well-dressed women bearing antiquated pitchforks.
July 28
Manhunt fails to find author because they are looking for an obese rat with wood tongue, whatever that means.
Author is smuggled across the border by partisans in a hay-filled mule cart.
July 29
A grim-faced President George W. Bush appears on national television. “Great. Now everyone hates us,” he says.
Ahhhh yes, the scorched earth approach to world travel. Strong work.
However, reflecting on a famous SNL skit from some years ago – this post needed more “wood tongue.”
Bryan
Considering the rather vitriolic comments left on the last post, I have to confess that for a few seconds I was taken in by this one.
I guess people find it hard to laugh at themselves.
-Best of luck from the bad teeth-fishn’chips-United Beckdom-
You have a knack for sparking International incidents like no one else. You should feel accomplished.
Funny how no Parisians protested your smackdown of Charles de Gaulle airport. Perhaps if you translated it into French…?
[ Hmmm. Bon idée! -B. ]
“Wood tongue?” Sounds like some kind of Viagra overdose…
I’m more concerned about the accusation that you’re a coach potato. May I meet your entire team of french fries?
I had read the original post a few days ago, it was your usual funny banter that entertains me so well. But the comments???? Oh my. Seriously, hysterical.
Very impressive scenario! I am going to organize the crowd right now :DDD
go easy on the lithuanians. because of recent historical events they are rightly proud of (and maybe a bit defensive of) their country in a way that americans are unlikely to ever pick up on.
beautiful country, lovely people, and yes there are a few things you can laugh about, as with everywhere.
A bit ironic that the Lithuanian blogger has this sentiment posted:
“Never take life seriously. No one gets out alive anyway.”
Perhaps he/she should take his/her own advice? Or was that blogger one of the sensible ones who enjoyed the humor? I obviously cannot read Lithuanian to find out for myself.
Now you’re just trying to piss them off…
I cant stop laughing, its been too long since I have visited this site.
I went to the comment feeding frenzy, and the hamburger comments made me laugh my ass off.
The fact that they thought that this was a travel guide webisite makes me think they dont have THAT great of a grasp of English.
Those pictures just topped it off. Hysterical.
To any remaining Lithiuanians here, he was JOKING.
Just realized how much I missed this site.
btw, this comment made me laugh too, though I dont understand it.
tokiem teises reik atimti :)gatves siauros nera kaip vaziuoti … baruose irgi makaronai su pasta,pasta su makaronais,pitsa be surio suris su pitca, alaus daryti nemoka o vynas pigus …
Are they calling us pigs because we like pasta and pizza? Or is it just me?
translating ‘wood tong’ from lithuanian..means smth like…’having mouth full of water’…or adresing the person who cannot speak:)