Defendant: "Artic" Refrigeration

Count 1: Misdemeanor spelling.

Count 2: Rendering grammatical indecency permanent by painting it on a vehicle.

Count 3: Exposing grammatical indecency to the public via vehicle.

Count 4: Committing grammatical indecency within 1000 yards of a school - a felony.

Report: Officer Smith of the Huntsville, Alabama chapter of the Knights of the Thesaurus spotted the infraction in the vicinity of the Stone Middle School. Realizing the threat this posed to America's children, he risked losing control of his Toyota Corolla squad car to capture the crime via his mobile communications/photographic device.

In addition, the attempt to advertise a seven-digit phone number in this day and age will be reported to the phone company, which has jurisdiction in those matters.

Fine: $625 in cold cash. Defendant must register as a grammatical offender and live within 2,000 feet of an atlas.