Banterist - Best. Buy. Ever.

From New York, original humor & commentary by Brian Sack.
Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

Best. Buy. Ever.

Employees I've dealt with at electronics mega-retailer Best Buy, placed in other lines of work.

COMEDY CLUB EMCEE
Tells audience he'll "be right with them" and spends the next eight minutes trying to break down a cardboard box.

PHARMACIST
Says he needs a key for the cabinet. Goes and looks for a key. Says he doesn't know who has the key. Shrugs.

NEW YORK STOCK EXCHANGE
Is adamant that SBUX is around $80 per share. Finally consults a computer and admits it's $34 and he doesn't know what happened because he's sure it was $80 yesterday.

POLICEMAN
Can't help you with the stabbing because he's only familiar with larceny.

WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY
Answers all questions with "Mmmmmmhmmmm." When asked directly if he knows what he's talking about, excuses himself and doesn't return.

WAITER
Knows they definitely don't carry bread because they only sell food. Checks with manager. Had no idea bread was food.

DIPLOMAT
Though supposedly on a fact-finding mission, is actually on a lunch-eating mission.

WHOLE FOODS CLERK
When asked for parsley, leads you to squash.

Trackback

You can ping this entry by using:
http://www.banterist.com/movabletype/mt-tb.cgi/390

Comments

how true.

Posted by: c b | September 19, 2006 11:27 AM

I used to work there when I was in college. I was a customer service rep, i.e. returns/exchanges and complaints. Mind you though, I had the littlest of knowledge with respect to computers or any "techie" stuff. More importantly, I hated people. So, they obviously do not use great care when making a new hire. Good deals on CD's though!

Posted by: DaveyJones | September 19, 2006 1:40 PM

Ummm, how about:

ER Nurse -
Chats with other nurses and ignores blood gushing from patient waiting at the counter.

Posted by: nrkii | September 19, 2006 4:24 PM

Brian, you don't have to post this on your site since it is shameless self-promotion, but after this latest hilarious item from you, I feel morally obligated to share three pieces I've written and posted on my "Irwin's Journal Online" site (the URL provided) that deal with retail from several different perspectives. They are titled "Free*", "TV, or Not TV" and "The Go-Way Incident" (in order of length). I hope I can return the favor of a laugh! (Even if no leather pants are harmed in any of the pieces.) Thank you for bringing much needed laughter to us!

Posted by: George | September 19, 2006 9:15 PM

Plastic Surgeon
For $1995.00 would you like the extended service plan for your boob job? Here's what you get - Normal wear and tear parts and labor coverage. It doesn't cover lost, stolen or misuse of items. But, if your boobs ever sag, droop, drop or become lopsided we'll replace them for FREE.

Posted by: Dan | September 20, 2006 9:00 AM

You are awesome.

Also, with any one of the employees above, a large "drug free workplace" sign should be hung behind them. Because THAT is what will lead to responsive and quality service. Yeah....

[Home Depot/Handy Andy flashback]

Posted by: MJ | September 21, 2006 1:48 PM

Very funny -- and totally correct, in most cases.

However - my husband worked for a while at the Best Buy store in Lansing Michigan. He was an IT guy for a large company in the city, and knew what he was doing. When he heard that a Best Buy was opening, he thought it would be interesting to help start up a store -- plus he really wanted the employee discount. He worked there about a year, but it wasn't long before he was the guy that everyone in the computer department came to when they couldn't help the customer, and return customers went right to him when they needed help. What's he doing now? He's got his own IT business here in Gettysburg, and people still come to him when the other "computer guys" can't help them.

Posted by: Bobbie | September 24, 2006 2:17 PM

Makes me wonder who coined the phrase "good help".

Posted by: ed hewett | September 29, 2006 2:42 PM

It's no wonder Best Buy employees lack motivation. The application and interview paint such a wonderful picture. Then, on day 3 of your training, you're told that you get no breaks and no lunch unless you work over 7 hours straight. So, if you are diabetic or have some need to sit down every few hours - don't apply!

Posted by: G H Steffee | October 25, 2006 1:54 AM

Post a comment

Name:

Email Address:

URL:

Remember personal info?

Comments: (you may use HTML tags for style)

Compatible with paper-based web browsers.

ABOUT
INDEX
FAQ
FEED
TWITTER

Entries:

Comments:

Archie Hill on Helpful Tips For Actors
Anonymous on The Cons of November
David Foxdove on China Dispatch: Using the Squat Toilet
manymopars on eBay: Playboy. In Braille.
Malgosia on Report from Poland - Raport z Polski
starringmoviesu on For Child Left Behind
Anonymous on Outsourcing US Jobs Overseas: Good, Bad or Ugly?

Where've we been?
The New York Times • NPR • WBCN • Mancow • Fox & Friends • CBS Up To The Minute • The Jay Thomas Show • WJIM • WOCM • CW 11 • The Guardian • USA Today • Boing Boing • Daybreak USA • Fusion • New York Daily News • Canada National Post • KIRO • Radar • McSweeney's • The Independent • Glamour • MSNBC.com • FARK • Glenn Beck program • New York Post Page Six • BBC Radio • Gawker • Defamer • CNN.com • Cracked • New Zealand Herald • Irish Independent • Weekend America and other fine media outlets.

Subscribe to Feed