Banterist - And Mao For Something Completely Different

From New York, original humor & commentary by Brian Sack.
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And Mao For Something Completely Different

These days, say the word "China" and most people say "How high?" - an indication that many people think "China" means "jump."

But in this case it refers to a country. A country that is far larger than I'd expected, filled with many people, and takes much longer to get to than I'd like. But it's a country you can get to in style - with an in-seat TV - by squandering all your accumulated mileage on Virgin Airlines.

Once the United States runs out of steam and implodes, China may very well become the dominant World Superpower. They'll take the reins as World Policeman and Global Puppetmaster. When that day comes, people the world over will recall with fondness the days when the U.S. was the Big Man On Campus - a clumsy but loveable giant who meant well but was somewhat retarded, stumbling about and stepping on things and hugging puppies to death. But then it will be too late.

This trip is a fact-finding mission of sorts, wherein I hope to find answers to a few questions:

If they're running our nail salons, dry cleaners and Qi Gong massage joints, who's running theirs?

Is the General Tso I know and love the same, or is he a whole chicken, bone-full and hacked?

Will their 30,000 internet police be able to intercept blog postings too?

This trip will take us off the beaten path to many places not found in the mundane tour books: Bok Choi, Cling Rap, Cheep Toi, Ping Pong and Copyright Infringement City.

Dispatches when there's internet to allow it. In the meantime, please feel free to peruse these recommended books.

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also of the beaten path in the advice book:
"planning your move to NYC? Learn how to hustle the corner of Canal and Broadway like a well-acclimated pro! Repeat: Chanel, Gucci, Prada?"

Posted by: nikki | April 11, 2006 4:17 PM

"Once the United States runs out of steam and implodes, China may very well become the dominant World Superpower."

If they don't abuse their farmers to the point that their agriculture industry comes to a crashing halt and brings the economy down with it. "Communism" in China certainly doesn't follow the "share the wealth" philosophy.

Posted by: Rav`N | April 11, 2006 8:17 PM

The idea that we are going to get stuck under China (literally or figuratively) scares the crap out of me. Just so you know.

Posted by: Frances | April 12, 2006 12:38 AM

Brian: if someone in China suggests they do you the great honour of an inspection of the population and have you stand there while the entire country files past - don't agree to it. It's a trap! Because of the rate of population growth in China, the line would never end and you'd be stuck there forever. True story. Happened to a friend of mine.

Posted by: Jody | April 12, 2006 7:47 AM

are you there yet?

Posted by: w. | April 12, 2006 3:41 PM

how 'bout now? are you there now? start blogging… now.

Posted by: w. | April 12, 2006 11:05 PM

As you say, China is very big, but if you happen to be passing through a small industrial city four hours south of Shanghai, please do pop in for a cup of tea, or some Mongolian hotpot, or whatever.

Posted by: dishuiguanyin | April 13, 2006 3:59 AM

Brian - if you could, upon arrival and at your convenience, post the price of tea, it would be appreciated.

I'm considering a very large purchase.

Posted by: Rex Strother | April 13, 2006 11:28 AM

Having lived in various Chinese cities for the past few years, I can tell you that Grammar Cop is going to have a field day over here. Let the fun begin!

Posted by: almerindo | April 14, 2006 5:00 AM

this article was very good and i laughed so hard that i forgot everything buggin me today. thanks!!

Posted by: pulatti | April 18, 2006 11:17 AM

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Unfunny in Farsi, hilarious in Dutch.

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