Banterist - Backwards Swastika Brand Vegetarian Barbecue Sauce

From New York, original humor & commentary by Brian Sack.
Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

Backwards Swastika Brand Vegetarian Barbecue Sauce

Ranting, raving and dramatic arm gestures about the health and ethical implications of meat-eating are merely window-dressing in the great struggle that is National Vegetarianism. But we fight the battle against carnivorism knowing that inside every true-hearted veggie is an herbifascist waiting for a great leader to guide, inspire, and cover their main courses with sauce and honor.

That's why there's Backwards Swastika Brand Vegetarian Barbecue Sauce.

Backwards Swastika Brand Vegetarian Barbecue Sauce will ignite the fires of herbifascism in every vegetarian - and anyone else willing to go along for the ride. The good, meat-shunning folk of the land, having endured embarrassment by the antics of PETA and countless jokes about being pasty-faced, will be at once inspired to rise up. The vegetarian peoples will become a force to be reckoned with for the next thousand years, give or take a few.

Backwards Swastika Brand Vegetarian Barbecue Sauce signals the end of diplomacy and the beginning of a delicious, meat-free offensive. Its genetically perfect, nuanced flavors will take your taste-buds by surprise in a blitz of soy and sesame goodness.

All will look on in awe as you conquer their palates with the message of National Vegetarianism and a delightful blend of malt flour, wheat and salt. The world will be your oyster - which you will immediately put back into its oyster place that it may live out its life fully.

Backwards Swastika Brand Vegetarian Barbecue Sauce is the One Sauce for your barbecue. Any other sauce is inferior and should be subjugated.

The spices, peanut powder and coconut powder in every can of Backwards Swastika Brand Vegetarian Barbecue Sauce create a flavor sensation that is truly mesmerizing. So much so, that I was just following my tastebuds is a viable excuse for anything you might do under its scrumptious influence.

Backwards Swastika Brand Vegetarian Barbecue Sauce can dominate both eastern and western dishes. Preferably not at the same time, as it historically difficult to maintain a two-front tastekrieg.

Backwards Swastika Brand Vegetarian Barbecue Sauce is the final solution for your dinner plans. Retail: $1.85.

Available at select, culturally clueless Asian supermarkets.

©Brian Sack | Filed under: Satire | 34 Comments | Email to a Friend
Tags:

Trackback

You can ping this entry by using:
http://www.banterist.com/movabletype/mt-tb.cgi/279

Backwards Swastika Brand Vegetarian Barbecue Sauce "Police arrested a 40-year-old man accused of taking off his pants at a fast-food restaurant then sitting down and eating other people's food." "A screed of words carved by a schizophrenic French farme...

Trackbacked from Quick Hits on apostropher.

Comments

Well, Hitler was supposedly a vegetarian.

Posted by: scott | September 12, 2005 5:32 PM

OK, I give up. What kind of vegetables are you supposed to barbecue with vegetarian barbecue sauce?

Posted by: Wacky Hermit | September 12, 2005 7:14 PM

The swastika wasn't used only by Nazis; it has been used in Buddhism and Hinduism, among others,(albeit with a different rotation and angle) and can be a symbol of luck.

[ Filed under NO SHIT. - B. ]

Posted by: Kazizy | September 12, 2005 10:26 PM

the asian markets aren't "culturally clueless", you are. this symbol that you call a backwards swastika has been in use by buddhists for ever...it was once an indian symbol of good luck.

[ Filed under YES WE ALL KNOW THAT. -B. ]

Posted by: tana | September 13, 2005 12:29 PM

confidential to all who helpfully point out 'errors' to banterist: *you* have reached this *site* in error.

Posted by: eatme | September 14, 2005 11:22 PM

wow, you are fragile banterist.

Posted by: tana | September 15, 2005 2:17 AM

It's your "clueless" error, banterist. that symbol was around long before the nazis. Go to a Buddhist temple and you'll see it. Also, if you read the label, the sauce is meant for "hotpot," which is a specific Asian dish from China.

Posted by: none | September 16, 2005 10:37 PM

Shut up with the "lucky symbol" crap! Who gives a #$@%@# if its a lucky symbol in Asia? Its not here. thats his point.

Posted by: PianoTuna | September 17, 2005 12:49 AM

Why are you here? Ever heard of satire? Dipshits depart!

Posted by: kerry | September 22, 2005 12:30 AM

Obviously, the fact that he KNOWS what it means makes it even funnier.

Posted by: Antigone | September 23, 2005 3:17 PM

listed under humor? helloo! A flair for the obvious,yes?

[ Not to everyone, I'm afraid. -B.]

Posted by: kerry | September 24, 2005 7:17 PM

NSS: no shit sherlock,ever hear of satire? humor?

Posted by: kerry | September 25, 2005 2:21 PM

so, hitler was a buddhist?

I'm lost.

[ Exactly. And the swastika is a symbol of luck, you see. -B. ]

Posted by: biggaygingerbear | September 28, 2005 7:31 AM

The swatika shown is not really backwards. It was purposely created in that form so that when sitting on the dashboard of Humane Society Animal Enforcement vehicles, the driver in front would view the Swastika in it's real position, become aggitated that someone would actually place a symbol of hatred on the dash of their vehicle, pull over to see what was written on the side of the offending vehicle, recognize the lesbian animal police, and in the process allow the Enforcement vehicle to travel across town to pick up Chinese food for lunch in a more expediant manner than if they invested in a red flashing light and siren.
By the way, the barbeque sauce is best on Chinese food.

Posted by: snuffalluppagass | October 6, 2005 6:55 PM

Um, supposed to be FUNNY, ya tools. If you want to start spouting Clavinisms, go 'way.

Posted by: Dawn | October 10, 2005 5:57 PM

Well, for the records:

Hitler took the system, twisted it and used it for his own agenda. Simple.

The ad is very funny :)

Posted by: Binary Guy | October 13, 2005 1:58 PM

And you should taste what it does to pork chops.

Posted by: Marc | October 14, 2005 11:28 PM

swastika... it has been around for a very long time, even the greeks and romans used the symbols when men use to wear skirts. The swastika symbol reflecs different meaning in every culture. In the western world sees it as hatred for none blond and blue eyes.
AHH 'f u c k' that B.S. freakin add is 'FUNNY' life is too short!!!bwahahahaha

Posted by: asian | October 15, 2005 4:16 PM

Is this related to Nazi Goreng? It's an Indonesian dish that I have seen sold in cans, some marked Nazi, some Nasi. I presume someone was thinking of Nazi Goering when they did the transliteration.

Posted by: Kaleberg | October 16, 2005 12:22 AM

amazing.

brilliant.

you should team up with Matt Groening and revive THE SIMPSONS.

keep it up!

Posted by: chainsawmax | October 18, 2005 2:43 PM

Not reccomended for kosher meat.

Posted by: Grace | October 21, 2005 9:12 PM

listen assholes its funny..let it be

Posted by: b rady | October 22, 2005 1:43 AM

The fact that the ad gets people worked up makes all the more funny! haha

Posted by: Connie | October 22, 2005 8:46 PM

My gf and I use this stuff all the time, and we've always (jokingly) referred to it as "nazi sauce".

That said, I don't think selling this sauce at asian markets is a sign of cultural cluelessness.

Posted by: Will | January 29, 2007 8:28 PM

All I know is that this is an excellent product with absolutely deliscious taste for vegetarian cooking; I wish I knew where to get more as my retailer currently cannot obtain supplies.

Posted by: Anonymous | December 9, 2007 12:25 PM

Did you know that the Swastika, the American Indian representation for the Thunderbird, was also used by German National Socialists throughout the 30s and 40s? When I learned this fact from Wikipedia, the article made more sense.

Posted by: Lucky | December 12, 2007 11:21 AM

Unfortunately, vegetarian hotpot isn't quite as tasty as ma la hot pot, with its huge chunks of pork blood floating in sauce hot enough to peel the taste buds off your tongue. I'm happy to see what passes as "winter" has arrived here in Taiwan so I can eat lots of ma la hot pot, with the non-veggie version of barbecue sauce (called sha cha jiang, look for the Bull Head brand, it's great).

Posted by: 500cbfan | December 12, 2007 5:51 PM

BRAVO THE BUDDHA HAS ONE ON HIS CHEST

Posted by: Anonymous | December 19, 2007 11:52 AM

can someone tell me what to get some of this online in the US?

Posted by: melinda | January 12, 2008 6:24 PM

That's MANJI, not a Nazy swastika. Buddhist manji means "love and mercy" which is what vegetarianism, veganism especially, is all about.
And no, Hitler wasn't a vegetarian. He ate vegetarian from time to time because his doctor recommended it because of is gastrointestinal issues.

Posted by: StopSpeciesism | February 20, 2009 6:27 PM

We will eat a delicious steak in honor of your contribution.

Posted by: Brian | February 22, 2009 10:58 PM

Its truly a sad day when a raving liberal reads something such as tana's "wisdom" and suddenly wants to hit them with a shovel.

Posted by: not a dumbass | February 24, 2009 12:08 PM

I say we get a can of commie BBQ sauce and put them together, see who wins the fight!

Posted by: Roflcopter! | March 27, 2010 1:05 AM

I say we get a can of commie BBQ sauce and put them together, see who wins the fight!

Posted by: Roflcopter! | March 27, 2010 1:06 AM

Backwards Swastika Brand Vegetarian Barbecue Sauce

Trackback

Comments

Post a comment

Entries:

Comments:

By category: