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Banterist: Home > April 2005 > April 28, 2005

Grammar Cop: Lettuce Take A Moment

lettucebepraised.jpg


Defendant: Lettuce USA

Count 1: Usage of an apostrophe in a plural noun. Twice.
Count 2: Usage of an apostrophe in a verb.
Count 3: Rendering grammatical errors permanent in the form of a large sidewalk sign.
Count 4: Displaying double-sided, grammatically defective signage in a public venue.

Report: Officer was on patrol in the scenic Mid-Scumtown area when he was assaulted by the large sign's three apostrophes. After regaining consciousness he collected his belongings and documented the crime. Only after returning to headquarters did he realize that in addition to apostrophe abuse, the defendant actually called their restaurant Lettuce USA - a name as appallingly non-creative as Mr. Squash or Dumpling Place.

Fine: $120 and mandatory attendance of apostrophe sensitivity classes.


©Brian Sack | Filed under: Grammar Cop | 9 Comments | Email to a Friend
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Comments

Hello. Very nice blog. This is my first time here. I posted a little thing about a misplaced apostrophe and one of my readers told me about you. :-)

Posted by: Lynn S | April 29, 2005 8:26 AM

I like this blog. And, that poster burns me up as well!

Posted by: C. Stovall | April 30, 2005 2:12 PM

how 'bout the Times lead headline on Saturday 'Wave of Attacks in Iraq Kill [sic] 40 and Wound [sic] 100'

just kills my bagel and paper-of-record buzz. English-teacher emails must have brought the Internet to its knees.

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/04/30/international/middleeast/30iraq.html?

Posted by: M. Hater | May 1, 2005 11:22 AM

Whoa! Officer, you were rendered unconscious by this reckless assault, yet the defendant gets off with a slap-on-the-wrist fine and sensitivity classes? This is a fine of only $30 per charge!
Also, just what are the criteria for a felonious grammar assault?

Posted by: Brian, a Grammar Cadet | May 2, 2005 1:00 AM

I've got a scoop for the Grammar Cop at http://www.hotmail.com! Witness multiple sentence fragments, courtesy of Microsoft Corporation:

"Help keep your inbox free from contamination. With powerful spam filters and enhanced virus scanning & cleaning."

Posted by: Sam | May 2, 2005 4:02 PM

Nothing bother's me more than jerk's who use apostrophe's in the wrong place's.

Posted by: S'teve | May 6, 2005 9:11 AM

One of the most difficult problems with English: the correction is usually much more complicated than leaving the error. It involves ending a sentence with a preposition.
My hero Winston Churchill (a superb writer) was challenged on one such. There are several versions of classic response, but the one many Churchill historians think the most probable is:
“This is the sort of bloody nonsense up with which I will not put.”
I agree that probably the most frequently seen irritation in print, signs, on TV, etc., is the mistaken use of the apostrophe.
If you want to read something really funny, watch Closed Captioning or put the mute on while watching TV, especially a news program. Most TVs then show Closed Captioning. The people who do the CC are clearly illiterate. It's hilarious and truly very sad at the same time.
Lee Munsick

Posted by: Lee Munsick | May 14, 2005 8:48 AM

I will not put up with this sort of bloody nonsense.

Posted by: allie | December 1, 2005 10:06 AM

Thank you for illustrating. I'm including you in my list of apostrophe faux pas illustrated.

MK

Posted by: Maria | December 26, 2007 2:56 PM

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Unfunny in Farsi, hilarious in Dutch.



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