Defendant: NYPD – 9th Precinct
Count 1: Accidental suggestion of doubt or irony by using quotes for emphasis.
Count 2: Failure to use a closing quote.
Count 3: Failure to employ a question mark in the establishment of an interrogative sentence.
Count 4: Improper comma use.
Count 5: Placing parentheses in harm’s way by locating them outside of a sentence.
Count 6: Photocopying grammatical errors with intent to distribute.
Count 7: Demanding bar and nightclub owners display grammatical errors in a prominent place without having the legal authority to do so.
Report: Officer David S. of the Greenwich Village Grammatical Crimes Unit witnessed two uniformed NYPD officers demanding a nightclub bouncer display flyer (Exhibit A) in a prominent area. Officer S. came into possession of flyer and an investigation was launched – by which I mean he scanned and emailed the thing.
Fine: $312 in non-taxpayer funds and a restraining order on littering the city with awkward flyers advertising common sense.
What happened to Count 7? If it’s gone missing, you might want to report it to the Math Cops as well.
[ Doh. Thanks. Corrected. -B. ]
Count 8: Improper capitalization of improper noun.