From New York, original humor & commentary by Brian Sack.
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The Starbucks Glossary

mocha.jpg

Antiventi
A person who rejects company size lingo and orders their beverage in small, medium and large.

Botulidm
Discomfort associated with a barista pressing a dirty thumb on the lid's sipping-hole while affixing it to your cup.

Chainchronicity
When you can stand in one Starbucks and see another, such as at Astor Place.

Coffotomy
Removal of unwanted beverage by pouring it into the trash, usually to make room for milk.

Coffusion
When two or more customers reach for the same beverage, unsure of its ownership.

Delait
When you are forced to wait for the milk thermos you need.

Denialinated
A high-calorie, high-fat beverage such as the Caramel Mocha ordered with skim milk to reduce guilt.

Hesitip
The act of waiting until the employee can see you place money in the jar, so you can get credit for it.

Neglact
To forget that the customer wanted room for milk and fill the cup to the brim.

Textibitionist
A person seated so you can see the mediocre screenplay on his laptop.


©Brian Sack | Filed under: Satire | 14 Comments | Email to a Friend
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Despite being dismayed at the banality of having the same cloned store everywhere, I kinda...

Trackbacked from Starbucks Behavior Analysis on Thoughts on Things.

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This is quickly becoming a favorite blog of mine.

Signed,

A confirmed Antiventist and Hesitipper

ummm...does the grammar cop know that "eavesdropping" is misspelled "evesdropping" in the archives sidebar? Unless that's referring to something along the lines of dwarftossing....

brilliant

funny. i like "coffusion"

I hesitip on an almost daily basis. Great piece.

This is too funny for a blog - can't you make money off stuff like this?

Hilarious. I'm definitely an antiventi and a hesitipper, but what about the times when your bill is $2.98 and you get two cents back, and it just seems insulting to toss the two cents in the bowl? In those cases I usually wait for the guy NOT to be looking and I toss it in just to get rid of the change. There's gotta be a term for it...

There must be a joke about Latte-Tude lurking somewhere in this piece.

Coffusion is a.k.a. decaffeinestration at my *bucks.

Hey, I just heard this blog post referenced on the neil boortz radio show! He did not mention the url though. I did a google search to find it. How lame is it to use content without giving credit.

I have often thought how absurd it is to have two big Stabucks within 75 yards of each other in Astor Place. Glad someone else has thought the same. Nice job on the site, consistently funny.

This is great... or should I say, "Ventimissimo"?... Check out this cartoon too. A little rabid squirrel says we're all "Star-Schmucks".
www.illwillpress.com/sml.html

Is there a term for "I am not tipping because all you did was pour a cup of coffee, the coffee is expensive enough, and you have health insurance. I pay $1100.00 a month for health insurance for my wife, my child and me."

Brilliant! I'm addicted to Starbucks, and I love your glossary. You should publish a book with this stuff in it.

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