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What's Your Problem?
Your problem |
Your Diagnosis |
Your Cure |
|---|---|---|
Left your keys in the door all night. |
Memory Failure Disorder; Post Bud-Binge Dementia |
Donepezil 30mg |
Avoiding the doorman because he starts awkward conversations to fill the silence.
|
Shyness Affected Disorder; Pre-Lobby Anxiety |
Buspar 10mg
|
Gigantic ass from all those Frappucinos. |
Venti-Size Posterior Syndrome; Portion Control Dysfunction |
Xenical 120mg |
Out "with the boys" again because apparently women do not find cigar smoke sexy. |
Nicotine-related Female Displacement Disorder |
Zyban 150mg |
Not the slightest bit attracted to Paris Hilton, and amazed that fantastic wealth can produce a truck-stop whore. |
Harlot-Aversion Syndrome; Performance Anxiety |
Viagra 100mg |
Don't feel like going out tonight because you're broke, plus "Timeline" is on Pay-Per-View and you like stuff with knights in it. |
Agoraphobia; Social Anxiety |
Alprazolam 1mg |
Boss is as stupid as the mud at the bottom of Lake Moron. |
Employment-related Hypertension |
Norvasc 10mg |
Don't feel like going to bed right now, damn it. |
Sleep Disorder; Nocturnal Dysfunction |
Ambien 10mg |
Six black guys dressed like 50 Cent are looking at you and not smiling. |
Urban Anxiety Disorder; Gangtsa-Related Dress Anxiety |
Lorazepam 1mg |
Neck hurts because you tried to impress people with the "Ninja Roll" you half-learned eight years ago. |
Martial Arts-related Training Dysfunction |
Tramadol 50mg |
Totally lost your cool because "Collateral" was sold out. |
Hypertension; General Cinema Anxiety |
Sertraline 50mg |
Finished a bottle of whiskey and smoked a pack of cigarettes last night. |
Post-Party Depression; Alcoholism |
Relpax 40mg |
Jaw hurts from chewing gum and making those snapping noises that annoy everyone in your proximity. |
Wrigley-Affected Dysfunction |
Celebrex 100mg |
Prefer to read The History of Pirates than sex-up your very pregnant wife. |
Third Party Presence Anxiety; Pre-Natal Performance Disorder |
Cialis 20mg |
Still blaming 9/11 for your vague sense of unease, even though you only watched it on TV. |
Non-Traumatic Stress Disorder |
Paxil 20mg |
Can't get the coffee stains out of the mug, no matter how hard you try. |
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder; Caffeine Addiction |
Zoloft 50mg |
| Wife talking about her upcoming birthday as you decide to check your emails and stub your toe. | Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder |
Concerta 27mg |
| Your improvisational troupe is not funny. | Comic Ability Delusion Disorder | Prozac 20mg |
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Got an ailment and need to be diagnosed? The Banterist comes up with some interesting medical solutions to some common, urban hysterias. Our favorite is Your Problem: Six black guys dressed like 50 Cent are looking at you and not...
Got an ailment and need to be diagnosed? The Banterist comes up with some interesting medical solutions to some common, urban hysterias. Our favorite is Your Problem: Six black guys dressed like 50 Cent are looking at you and not...
A mother of a really cute & chubby 1 year old baby girl tells me my language in certain posts is a little too vulgar, so since a mother has requested for clean(er) content, she will get it. Just this one time! Today we had an office potluck, so I'm...
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