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The M-7 Multi-Function Combat Shovel

combat_shovel.gif


INTRODUCTION

The M-7 Multi-Function Combat Shovel is currently the most technologically advanced assault & digging tool available to the modern American soldier. The M-7 combines elements of stealth design and portability as well as ease-of-use and multiple-theatre functionality.

The new M-7 Multi-Function Combat Shovel benefits greatly from years of research and development in both shovel dynamics and hole theory. Tactical breakthroughs, such as stealth excavation and flank-strikes, add to the overall effectiveness of the M-7 and make the M-7 a battlefield necessity for a soldier, along the lines of the M-16 Assault Rifle.

In addition to groundbreaking new technologies, the Combat Shovel functions and abilities you may already be familiar with have been incorporated and/or improved on, as the M-7 still retains the history and tradition of previous assault & digging tools.


HISTORY OF THE COMBAT SHOVEL

The M-7 draws upon many of the design and function specifications of the original Combat Shovel and the subsequent models.

The M-1 Combat Shovel was introduced in 1917 in time to help U.S. forces fight and dig successfully against the Germans during the First World War. The M-1 earned the nickname "The Mackie" after Sergeant Bernard "Mack" McHugh who was able to dig a hole nine feet deep before being killed by a German mortar.

The M-2 model, introduced shortly before the United States joined the Second World War, was a modified version of the M-1. The handle was shortened from 12 feet to 6 so as to accommodate easier hole-digging, concealment and stealth needs.

The M-3 model, which saw battle in World War Two, was an important factor in the battles for the control and digging of Guadalcanal, Iwo Jima and the Leyte Gulf. For stealth, it was modified by painting the metal striking/digging surface a dark color rather than the white gloss of the previous models.

During the Korean War the M-4 made its debut. The oak handle proved far superior to the pine and spruce handles of the previous models. The handle was also doubled in width, to one inch. The M-4 was nicknamed "The Benny" after Captain Ben Blaylock, who used one.

The M-5, introduced in 1960, never saw service in any military capacity, though it was widely considered the most reliable of the models when the shovel/assault head was fixed to the oak handle with metal bolts, rather than hemp.

By the time of the Vietnam conflict, the M-6 was already standard and considered one of the top assault/digging tools of all time. The M-6's sanded handle meant fewer splinter casualties for those using it. The shovel/assault head was made of steel, rather than a nickel/tin composite, which made the M-6 less prone to bending when used. Over time it became the first assault/digging tool to serve multiple theatres of war. A single M-6 routed the entire Cuban army at Grenada, held off nearly 12,000 Somalis in 1993, and out-dug Saddam Hussein's Republican Guard during Gulf War I.

The M-7, which features slight improvements over the M-6, will be the standard assault/digging tool for many years to come. With a handle-width of nearly two inches and a reinforced steel assault/digging head, the M-7 is a state-of-the-art weapon and soil mover that will serve troops valiantly in Iraq, Iran, Syria, North Korea, France - wherever military necessity takes us.


SPECIFICATIONS

Assault/Shovel Head:
Forged Steel (India)
Widest width: 10 inches
Total length: 14 inches

Handle:
Oak wood (Oakwood)
Width: 2 inches
Length: 5 feet

Capabilities:
Whacking, 5-foot 14-inch radius
Digging, 1.2 sq. ft. per minute (ideal)
Leaning, 1 min. per min.

Operation Notes:

Digging performance decreases in extreme cold, underwater, and on mountains.

Stealth element is greatly reduced if you scream while digging or assaulting target.

Long-term storage has no discernable detrimental effect.

Manually Operated

Non-Potable

Portable


CLOSING:

The introduction of the M-7, means that the M-6 model will slowly be phased-out of U.S. military service, though it may find its way into civilian or foreign army usage. The M-7 is destined to become as much of an essential part of every enlisted soldier's kit as the MRE (Meal, Ready to Eat) and P-38 Tinned-Peach Removal Assistance Apparatus.


©Brian Sack | Filed under: Parody | 4 Comments | Email to a Friend
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You forgot to mention other essential sub models as outlined in our companies presentation at the 2004 Matel Weapons Fair :

1. The M7 has also been adapted for the combat female. This model was to be called the "short & angry".

2. A reduced size "sawn off" version of the M7 is available for close combat special forces , this model has been nicknamed the stick.

3. A M7 version for the dometic dispute market has also been developed, we have named it "Mama's Love"

4. There is a special light weight model for the Seniors DIY market called "Aint paying no Undertaker"

You can see all our latest Models at the Next NSA conference , where Charlton Heston ,the Keynote Speaker, will use all his remaining strength + five bottles of Viagra to clench a M7 in one hand raise it aloft in defiance to the liberal pinkos. Remember that its not shovels that dig holes, its the people stupid!



Please Sir,

Could you send me a copy of the specification for the M6 adapted for the desert conditions which I saw advertised on the back pages of the Fatwa Monthly in 1989, It was Vol 1 issue 15 which was the pullout special Women in Burkas!.

Although I have been collecting Fatwa Montly since its first issue , I am missing this issue becasue I gave my copy to a guy who wanted to see the Jobs Section extra dealing with proxy wars. He got the job for an American Security outfit , but he took and lost my Magazine in Afganistan , the Lanky bastard! If I catch him I'll give him more than a stinger.

i regret having to dwraw your attention to prior art (and a mirror)

tanga ba kayuuu>3shovel bayan bobo

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