Dear Retailer:

Hello! We wish to introduce to you Hamas's Refreshing Orange Zionist Conspiracy Beverage and ask if you will consider carrying it in your establishment, for it is delicious.

Hamas's Refreshing Orange Zionist Conspiracy Beverage is created with a special clandestine recipe, and upon drinking delivers a sensation to the body not unlike the massaging fingers of 72 hot and sexy virgins.

As Allah is my witness, many who enjoy Hamas's Refreshing Orange Zionist Conspiracy Beverage express their feelings in a positive manner. The men shout with glee from underneath their ski masks, and without question there is much ululating from underneath the coverings of the females. Though terrifying-sounding, ululating is actually a sound of joy. The joy of quenching your thirst with Hamas's Refreshing Orange Zionist Conspiracy Beverage is like having a martyred son, but with more citrus flavor.

Hamas's Refreshing Orange Zionist Conspiracy Beverage comes with a full support package for our retailers. In return for eye-level shelf space, we offer excellent discounts on pallets of our product. In addition, we offer in-store point-of-purchase displays, vinyl banners, and we will put your competitors to death.

Our new summer iTunes bottlecap promotion is gearing up, and we will offer over 1,000,000 lucky customers the chance to download As Allah Is My Witness I shall Slay the Infidels and Bring Them to Bow Before Me for free.

For our restaurateur friends, Hamas's Refreshing Orange Zionist Conspiracy Beverage offers quantity discounts, not to mention promotional events such as the Alcohol is the Devil's Lubricant Worldwide Toast which takes place every March 17th. Those restaurants which carry our delicious, sanctified beverage also receive free logo glassware, ashtrays, and neon window signs. All restaurants receive festive portraits of frowning mullahs with which one may pressure guests into ordering Hamas's Refreshing Orange Zionist Conspiracy Beverage.

We look forward to you working with us to make Hamas's Refreshing Orange Zionist Conspiracy Beverage the most popular beverage in the world, far out-selling the Coca Cola bile-water which the accursed infidel Americans force down our throats.

We hope we can work together soon. We must insist that you contact us quickly, as we have your cousin.

Sincerely,

Ayman Qutaybah
Regional Sales Director
Hamas's Refreshing Orange Zionist Conspiracy Beverage

©Brian Sack | Filed under: Satire | 2 Comments | Email to a Friend
Tags: Marketing