Complaint: Misdemeanor non-placement of a letter integral to the proper spelling of the name of a Saint; Misdemeanor non-placement of a possessive apostrophe; utilizing signs with missing letters and apostrophes to draw customers into a store filled with genital-stimulation devices and crotchless panties.

Defendant: Smut merchant “Red Light District” on 6th.

Report: Officer was off-duty and taking his fine lady to see the romantic film “Monster” which he understood to be some kind of a lesbian flick. Sign was encountered in middle of sidewalk, clearly in violation of some rule that Mayor Bloomberg most likely has/will come up with. Officer did not touch the metal sign frame to see if Con Ed had accidentally electrified it, but he assumes they did.

Fine: $25 and an autographed copy of “Jenna Loves Kobe” on DVD.