Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

Menu

Advertising Strategy: Greater Balboa

balboa.jpg
GOAL:
An outdoor and bus advertising campaign in conjunction with a print, radio and television run in selected U.S. markets.

BACKGROUND:
Greater Balboa has been plagued in recent years by piracy, occasional mob riots, and plague.

MESSAGE:
Come to Greater Balboa!

TARGET:
Americans, 50/50 male/female, unmarried, who make upwards of 40,000K per year. They are looking for a quality Caribbean vacation and are in the process of selecting an island to visit.

MAJOR OBSTACLES:
Unfortunately, many of our prospective tourists are still vaguely aware of the Machete Riots of 1997, and as a result are still somewhat afraid of Greater Balboa and her citizenry.
Many Americans are hesitant to visit an island that requires seven vaccination shots and a post-trip examination.
The intense media coverage of Esteemed Victorious Leader Dominic DuBaine’s ice-pick assassination was negative publicity at best and still reverberates among the many Americans who saw the televised incident during the Superbowl.
The majority of Greater Balboa’s tourist hotels were built downwind of Sulfur Springs, which some individuals find offensive.
Americans expect electricity.

MINOR OBSTACLES:
The tendency for Greater Balboans to forcibly request donations from our tourists.
The tendency for Greater Balboans to call tourists “demon invaders.”
Flushworm.

POSITIVES:
With the eradication of the Pox Flies nearly complete, visitors to Greater Balboa are increasingly likely to not be bitten.
A new highway built with mango husks and palm fronds bypasses the Villagio detention camp, which was always shocking and uncomfortable for first-time visitors to the island. The new highway now takes them down a prettier route past Man Made Falls, which should have water by Spring 2005.
The U.S. Dollar ($) to Greater Balboan Squab (@*) exchange rate is so favorable that a Balboan whore is no more expensive than an American hairbrush.
Nineteen of the “Tourist Face-Hacker Twenty-Three” have been apprehended and executed.

DIRECTION:
We would like a catchy tag line that expresses the true nature of Greater Balboa as the place to relax and unwind inside a maximum-security tourist enjoyment compound.
We encourage you to consider a musical jingle to capture the essence of the island. Even better if it is used on our two native instruments, the car hood and the shoe.
If it stops raining, we would encourage you to take some pictures of Mount Doom for use in the advertisements. We also have a large collection of stock photos of Aruba.

MANDATORIES:
Supreme Leader DuQuesnay has a list of individuals who may appear in the advertising. They have promised to smile and convey the essence of the island as he sees it.
Do not mention Suffocation Day as it is a difficult holiday to explain to non-islanders.
“Visit our official government website at http://www.caribeinternet.com/islands/classd/warning/greaterbalboa.html”


Previously

GLASS: Shower door etching of an African emigrant sucking Courtney Love's breast outside a Wendy's - no Stephen Glass - (see 'Paper Recycling') Wine bottles, Cabernet - no (let sit) Wine bottles, except Cabernet - yes Bottles of expensive foreign …

Next

[Mr. bin Laden sworn in] KEAN: Thank you for coming, Mister bin Laden. UBL: Thank you for having me. KEAN: Mister bin Laden, as we understand it, you were really not much of a factor in the 2000 …