Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

Menu

2008 Letter to Shareholders

Dear Shareholders:
It should come as no surprise that 2008 was, by far, the toughest year our company has seen. Like most businesses we suffered as a result of the unprecedented economic downturn. When we began to see the dark clouds forming on the horizon in early first quarter we hoped we might somehow be impervious to the storm. Unfortunately the reality is that in times of economic hardship people cut back on the purchase of man-panties.
While we remain hopeful for 2009, we do have to consider that it may take some time to regain the momentum that we lost in 2008. In the first quarter we watched our sales double, only to have both pairs returned to us within the 14-day period. Shortly afterwards the investment banks began to topple and people’s concerns focused on their families, jobs and money. That, plus the fact that we were in the midst of a presidential race meant that the idea of silky, feminizing man-panties was the furthest from peoples’ minds than it has ever been.
In an effort to stay ahead of the game we’re using this downturn to our advantage. While our sales may have stagnated, our enthusiasm for man-panties remains unabated. When the economy turns around and men in the United States have dropped their apprehension to the gentle caress of our lacy product, we will be at the forefront. In multiple colors, too, including Ivory, Taupe and Nacho.
Like a little boy in an orphanage who sees a well-dressed couple eyeing him, we remain enthusiastic. We go into 2009 stronger than ever, eager to seize the market, and no longer basing our business model on the ability to do wheelies.
I thank you for your support.


Previously

Ages ago I wrote a short story and someone said, "Gee, that'd make a great film," and I said, "Oh." But they kept saying that to the point where I was finally compelled to put …

Next